Monday, December 13, 2010

The "Elf on the Shelf" Is A Minion Of Satan

Have you guys seen this thing? Apparently it is all the new rage.

I gather that the general idea is that mom puts the elf out and tells the kids that the elf is a spy from Santa and is watching them constantly and reporting back to Santa if they behave badly [and are thus unworthy of Christmas gifts]. Then mom moves the awful little creature around every night so that the kids think it is really alive and moving around on its own.

Can I say Just NO!??

What the heck are people thinking?

This thing is just all kinds of wrong. For instance:

1. Who on Earth wants some creepy little supernatural doll spying on them all day? That would give ME a complex and I'm not even 5. I mean, this takes "Big Brother Is Watching You" to a new extreme, does it not?

2. Let's spoil the fun and magic of Christmas by keeping the kids constantly stressed out and worried that they won't actually make the cut, that the vicious little elf will report badly upon them, and they won't get a dang thing from Santa for Christmas. Because here in the USA we aren't neurotic, stressed out, and worried enough as it is.

3. Let's teach the kids that the only reason to be good is so that they GET STUFF! Yay! Let's not worry about teaching them that being good is intrinsically, well, Good. Let's teach them that any and all good behavior should be rewarded with material things and that the only real reason to obey Mommy is so that Evil Little Minion of Satan won't go interfering with their Christmas Loot.

4. And best of all - let's forget the real reason for Christmas. Forget all that crap about celebrating the birth of the Savior and Saint Nicholas bringing them gifts in celebration of their eternal Salvation [which is FREELY GIVEN to them and CANNOT BE EARNED of their own volition, at least according to most Christian religions]. Let's make it all about keeping our bad behavior out of the line of sight of El Creepo the Snitch.

Mmmm..yeah. Sounds good to me.


It is entirely possible that I am biased. My father often told me the story of "Talky Tina" the talking doll from the Twilight Zone. I was scarred for life from a young age where dolls are concerned. I generally think of dolls on the whole as evil little things that are easily possessed by Demonic Forces. My worst nightmare would be being locked overnight in a doll repair shop where I would most certainly die of a heart attack due to extreme fear before the dawn came. And this horrid little elf definitely meets my criteria for Creepy Dolls Who May Potentially Become Evil And Thus Should Be Destroyed On Sight....

But still.

Does anyone else find this whole "Elf Spy" concept just WRONG?


  1. Well, you have a point...but honestly, I don't find it any creepier than the Tooth Fairy, Mr. Sandman, Santa Claus/St. Nicholas, a Guardian Angel, talking robot toys, a baby doll that eats and pees or a $300 electronic machine that lets you "pretend" to bowl in your living room.
    The bottom line's all fake and most kids figure it out eventually. Call me a horrible parent, but I have no problem bribing my children for better behavior! If I get a few weeks of PRISTINE behavior leading up to Christmas, my ENTIRE household is better able to focus on Who we find in the manger on Christmas morning! Now, with that being is a fun activity but not necessarily something that is a MUST. If I had a gun held to my head and HAD to choose only two traditions to pass on to my kids...the elf would get the shaft for sure!
    Anyway, that's my two cents! And yes, I know what you're thinking.."this lady has a screw loose!"....Ok, I'll admit it....I have one or two! :0)

  2. Oh, yeah. I think the whole thing is creepy and misguided, too! We already have the idea of how Santa "sees you when you're sleeping," which is a bit creepy, but now the elf in your own house can watch you sleep, too! I first saw the Elf of the Shelf maybe two Christmases ago - or maybe it was last year - and my first thought was, "This is really weird!"

  3. I'm on board! I never understood the appeal and from a few people I know who have used the Elf, it seems the parents are way more into it than the kids. Like many things.

    I also don't want to teach mine that you only have to be good when someone is looking, that they have rules and that those rules apply anytime, anywhere.