The 10 Plagues

Much like the ancient Egyptians, I feel that our family has been stricken with Plagues. [tongue in cheek here, bear with me!]

My oldest child and I came up with this list of the 9 plagues we have thus far endured since we had to move to our slum house:

1. Roaches [I have never seen such an infestation as what existed here in this house two exterminators and several hundred dollars ago]

2. Kidney Stones [this one was my private plague]

3. Mice [another massive infestation that we still can't seem to stem, though my exterminator came back out again last week - he's here on a bi-weekly basis at this point and I spend more quality time with him than any other adult male. We'll be announcing our engagement soon. ;) ]

4. Mold [this wretched rental house is infected with mold - you can smell it when you turn on the air or after it rains. I highly suspect this mold has led directly to some of the other plagues listed below.]

5. Flu [we have suffered no less than THREE confirmed flu outbreaks within the family in the last 8 months - one swine flu outbreak [the mildest] and two different strains of "seasonal flu"].

6. Pneumonia [I have had pneumonia 3 times in the last 8 months, my son has had it twice]

7. Rotovirus / Norovirus [two completely separate outbreaks of a highly contagious seven day stomach virus complete with scary high fevers - which destroyed both our Christmas and our Easter]

8. Tumors [I had to have surgery for thyroid tumors, my baby had to have surgery for a tumor on her ear. Thankfully the plague of Tumors was composed of benign tumors only - Praise God!]

9. Slugs [the ninth plague is upon us - giant slugs infesting my children's bedroom. I have never seen slugs this large. I do not know where they are coming from or how they are getting in [or why they only seem to like that one bedroom]. But last night I trod on one in the middle of the night and it was insanely ICKY!]

So, now I am off to buy a lamb. I must slaughter that sucker and get my doorposts painted in lamb's blood before the Angel of Death gets here to take my Firstborn. [I'm not letting her go!!!].

And people wonder why I sometimes suspect that God hates me.... ;)