Martian Mama:

Garlic Cheddar Muffins

2011-03-26T13:30:00.001-07:00

These are really good, tender and delicious:

Ingredients

3 cups self-rising flour
1&1/2 cup shredded or diced sharp cheddar cheese
1/8 cup sugar
1 tsp garlic powder [or more, depending on how much you love garlic]
1 egg
1/4 cup oil
1&1/2 cup whole milk

Preheat oven to 350.

Mix all ingredients. Put in muffin tin and bake for 18 minutes [give or take depending on your oven].

These are great with salad, soup, or chili. Mmmmmmm....

What Happened To The Blog?

2011-03-26T05:46:00.000-07:00

I want to apologize to my readers. I've sort of left my blog in limbo while I try to figure out what to do with it.

Back in January, I became aware of a site called "Spokeo" [which is a sort of online phone book]. I went there and found that they had gathered a TREMENDOUS amount of information about me and my children - including photos of my children from my blog.

This freaked me out pretty much.

I deleted everything from the Spokeo site and I've tightened my Facebook controls down as far as they go [and removed most pictures and personal info from my Facebook info page too].

But I still remain very concerned about having our personal info out there on the web somewhere, along with our contact info. I've always been careful to keep this blog anonymous with no real names or real places - but it is linked to my email address and that was enough I guess, because my email address was used to get all my other personal info and put it down all on one neat site for any stranger to grab.

I've become very ambivalent about blogging since then. I've loved my blog. My blog serves as a creative outlet but also as a record for my family - it has been my online journal for years now. At the end of each year, I have my blog bound up into a nice hard back book for my family. It includes fun stuff we did that year, pictures of the kids doing it, and my recipes, among other things. Those have become a priceless treasure for my children and I, and I'd like to keep it up.

[I used "Blog 2 Print" to do this, by the way, and I can't recommend them highly enough - they are AWESOME and the books are fantastic!]

I've experimented with having a private blog but few people comment there and I tend to lose motivation to write when nobody talks back. [sad, huh?!].

And then there are some other projects I'm working on - and making good progress on - but which limit my time to blog.

So, for now, the future of my blog is just uncertain. Maybe I'll pick this blog thing back up later on. For now I am ambivalent, and I apologize to those of you who have been following me for years [and to my new readers as well!] :( :(

God Bless you all!

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

2011-03-26T05:38:00.000-07:00

These are delightful. My children ate them like crazy!

4 ripe bananas, mashed
1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup oil
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup chocolate chips

2 cups self rising flour [or 2 cups all purpose flour + 2tsp baking powder + 1/2 tsp salt]
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/8 tsp ginger

Preheat oven to 350.
Mix all wet ingredients thoroughly. Add flour and spices and mix just until incorporated.
Fill muffin tin and bake for 18 minutes [more or less depending on your oven].

These can also be made as bread loaves, but your cooking time will vary based on the size of your pan.

This is the best banana bread I've ever made - I've been trying for years to get a recipe that I just love and finally - this is it! :) :)

Granola

2011-01-12T12:16:00.000-08:00

6 cups rolled oats
1 cup wheat germ
3/4 cup raw cashews
3/4 cup raw almonds
3/4 cup raw walnuts
1/2 cup raw sunflower seeds
1/4 cup sesame seeds
2/3 cup canola oil
2/3 cup honey
2/3 cup water
1 TBSP vanilla
1 tsp salt
1-2 cups raisins
[optional 1 cup chocolate chips - which we always add. LOL!]

Preheat oven to 325. Spray two large casserole pans with Pam. Mix oats, nuts, and seeds in a large bowl. Over medium heat, combine oil, honey, water, vanilla, and salt. Bring just to a boil and then pour over oat mixture. Mix well to coat everything.

Spread evenly in pans and bake for 20 minutes. Remove from oven, stire, and bake for another 15 minutes. Let cool and add raisins [and chocolate chips].

Can be stored in a covered container for 5 days in the pantry, 2 weeks in the fridge, and indefinitely frozen.

[This is based on a recipe I found in a LLL magazine many years ago]

Mutter Without Paneer

2011-01-06T12:02:00.000-08:00

My newest Indian Food Experiment - yummy! This is "Mutter Paneer" without the paneer [which is an Indian cheese that I cannot find locally and do not know how to make from scratch!]. Very tasty!

2 medium onions, diced finely
1 jalepeno, finely diced
2 TBSP olive oil
1 TBSP grated ginger root
2 TBSP minced garlic
2 tsp coriander
1 tsp cumin
2 tsp garam masala
1/2 tsp tumeric
1 can of diced tomatoes [you can puree these if you don't like chunks of tomato]
2 cups frozen green peas
1 & 1/2 cup water
salt to taste
1/2 cup heavy cream or plain yogurt

Saute onions and pepper in olive oil till onions are translucent.

Add ginger, garlic, coriander, cumin, garam masala, and tumeric. Saute for one minute.

Add tomatoes and green peas. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer until it thickens - about 20 minutes.

Add salt to taste and then add cream or yogurt. Stir together, simmer for a couple more minutes.

Serve with rice or naan bread.

[If you have access to paneer, you can slice up about 18 oz of paneer into chunks, saute in oil till golden, and add to the dish].

2010 Meme

2010-12-31T17:45:00.001-08:00

Like my friend Melanie, I've done this MEME in past years and it is fun to go back and read the answers, so I thought I'd do it again this year. If you decided to play along on your blog, leave a comment so I can read your 2010 recap.

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I wrote a book. A whole book! :) And a good bit of another one.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I did not make any resolutions last year. This year I won't make a resolution, but I will state that my goal is to get a book deal. :)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nobody physically close to me did - several online friends did though!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes, my best friend died of breast cancer in May.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the good old USA.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Peace, Financial Stability, and adequate housing.

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 15 - the day we buried my best friend.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Getting a book written. Raising my children in such a way that they are extremely well adjusted and happy in spite of bad circumstances.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Worrying too much about things beyond my control.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Yes, several illnesses and a surgery.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Yeah - no disposable income around here these days. I guess food for my children was the best thing I bought this year. :)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My children - they are amazing.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My Ex Husband's.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, shelter.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I was healthy for 6 months straight. That was pretty cool.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?
"What I Am" by Will.i.am

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) happier; b) about the same; c) about the same, a little poorer actually

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Snuggle my kids, Relax

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worry

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent it with my kids, parents, bro and sis

21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Nope, thank goodness.

22. How many one-night stands?
Seriously? LOL! Celibacy is working out very well for me.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Castle, Law and Order: LA

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
I don't hate anybody.

25. What was the best book you read?
Read lots of great books this year - recent favorites were "The Lost Hero" [Rick Riordan] and "The Ruby Key" [Holly Lisle]

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Not sure I really made any musical discoveries this year.

27. What did you want and get?
Better health.

28. What did you want and not get?
A decent home for my children.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Hmmm... I guess Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 1.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I don't remember. I was 41.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If my Ex husband had not hassled me and gone out of his way to make life difficult.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Expedient.

33. What kept you sane?
I'm not sure I am actually sane any more. I wouldn't take any bets on it anyway. :)

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Will Smith. In an alternate dimension somewhere he's my hubby. ;)

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
I'm so hating politics at this point in my life. It is all the same anyway - nothing ever changes.

36. Who did you miss?
All the friends I used to have IRL that I only see online now. And of course my best friend that died.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I don't really have an answer for that. I did not meet a lot of new people this year, though I did meet some really nice ones. I'm glad I "reunited" with my friend Kathy and a couple of other folks.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.
"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
~Malachy McCourt

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"If what I am is what's in me, then I'll be strong, that's who I'll be; and I will always be the best me that I can be....Never gonna quit, I'll keep getting stronger."

Merry Christmas 2010 From Kelly And The Monkeys!!!!

2010-12-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

We hope this has been a great year for you and that this letter finds you in good health and high spirits! We are once again taking this opportunity to catch everyone up with our family and what has been going on.

Monkey1, age 12, started 6th grade this year. Her school has a fantastic gifted program that has been really good for her. She is continuing to make straight “A”s and to excel at everything she tries. She continues to do well in Chorus at school. She made the “State Wide Honor Chorus” this year. Her hobbies are reading, researching, listening to music, writing, singing, & watching old horror movies from the 1930s & 1940s. She is a wicked unbeatable chess player. Monkey1’s favorite book is The Red Pyramid [or anything by Rick Riordan]. She wants to be a private investigator, a singer or a chef when she grows up.

Monkey2, age 9, is in 3rd grade. He has morphed into a straight “A” student and is consistently on the high Honor Roll. He enjoys playing basketball and anything on the Wii. His hobbies include computer & video games, building with legos, Pokemon, Yu-Gi-Oh, bakugans & cooking with mom. He loves playing with his two younger sisters and they worship the ground he walks on. His favorite books are Dragon Blood and the Magic Treehouse series. Monkey2 wants to be a lego designer when he grows up.

Monkey3, age 7, is in 2nd grade. She is doing very well in school & is staying on the Honor Roll as well; definitely doing her part to keep up the family tradition. She enjoys playing basketball & playing with her brother on the Wii. Her hobbies include collecting animals, playing with animals, learning about animals, pretending to be different animals, reading & cooking with her mom, & playing Pokemon & Yu-Gi-Oh with her brother. Her favorite book is Go Dog Go! Monkey3 wants to be a veterinarian when she grows up.

Monkey4, age 5, is in Kindergarten. Kindergartners do not receive letter grades, but she gets 100% smiley faces. :) She enjoys creating art work, dancing, playing with her younger sisters, “babysitting”, cooking with mom, playing with Barbies, playing outdoors, & swimming. Her favorite book is Mermaid Barbie. Monkey4 wants to be a Mommy when she grows up.

Monkey5, age 3, started preschool this year. She has done very well at preschool and loves her teacher [she lucked out and got the BEST TEACHER EVER – truly a Blessing!]. She has made lots of friends in her class. She enjoys playing with Monkey4 and Monkey6, reading with mom, playing with Barbies, cooking, being with her Granny, playing pretend, swimming & drawing. Her favorite book is Fancy Nancy. Monkey5 wants to be a Princess when she grows up.

BabyMonkey, age 2, is the Lone Ranger at home during school hours these days [we tried preschool with her this Fall – it didn’t work]. She continues to be adorable & funny. She has developed her talents into becoming a First Class Cat Burglar – able to get anything she wants & steal it away, no matter how well it is safeguarded! She enjoys hanging out with her Grandfather, playing with dogs, reading books, destroying stuff, climbing, figuring out how things work, and pretending to be a puppy. Her favorite book is Llama Llama Misses Mama. BabyMonkey wants to be a Puppy when she grows up.

I, Kelly, am still hanging on by my teeth and somehow managing to enjoy the heck out of life in spite of it all. I was thrilled to get my old job back teaching childbirth classes at the Hospital, where I worked for 10 years until 2009. I enjoy cooking with my children, snuggling with the kids, reading, writing, walking around the neighborhood & lake with the children & the dogs, & amazing people by making fine wine out of the lemons Life handed me. :) I couldn’t possibly pick just one favorite book this year, but, like Monkey1, I have certainly enjoyed everything Rick Riordan writes.

The children completed a major accomplishment this year. For three years they were working, sacrificing [asking for cash donations instead of birthday gifts, for example], and saving to build a house for a poor family in Haiti through the charity organization “Food for the Poor”. This year they finally succeeded, and in May they were able to send off a check for $3,100 – enough to build a home for a homeless family affected by the Earthquake in Haiti. It was a monumental accomplishment. They were even featured in a half page news article in the local paper and in several articles on the Web. I am VERY proud of them!

We wish you a happy and prosperous 2011. May God richly Bless you in all that you do!

:) :) God is Good - All of the Time! :) :)

12 Days Of Christmas Monkey Style

2010-12-16T17:07:00.001-08:00

In what has apparently become our Monkey Family Christmas Tradition, myriad relentless and never-ending illnesses have descended upon our household.

This is my attempt at keeping my sense of humor [and hopefully my sanity by laughing it off... ;) ].

Twelve Days Of Christmas Monkey Style:

On the first day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: One puking Son With A Fever

On the second day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: A Double Ear Infection and a puking son with a fever.

On the Third day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: Three Snotty Girls with Fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the Fourth day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: Four worrisome rashes, three snotty girls with fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the Fifth day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: Five Medical Copays, four worrisome rashes, three snotty girls with fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the Sixth day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: Six whining, fighting, miserable children, five medical copays, four worrisome rashes, three snotty girls with fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the Seventh day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: Seven expensive prescriptions, six whining, fighting, miserable children, five medical copays, four worrisome rashes, three snotty girls with fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the Eighth day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: eight days without sleeping, seven expensive prescriptions, six whining, fighting, miserable children, five medical copays, four worrisome rashes, three snotty girls with fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent me to: nine over the counter medications, eight days without sleeping, seven expensive prescriptions, six whining, fighting miserable children, five medical copays, four worrisome rashes, three snotty girls with fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: ten days of sinus infection [and counting], nine over the counter medications, eight days without sleeping, seven expensive prescriptions, six whining, fighting, miserable children, five medical copays, four worrisome rashes, three snotty girls with fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my Dear Lord sent to me: eleven Christmas gifts still un-purchased, ten days of sinus infection [and counting], nine over the counter medications, eight days without sleeping, seven expensive prescriptions, six whining, fighting, miserable children, five medical copays, four worrisome rashes, three snotty girls with fevers, a double ear infection, and a puking son with a fever.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my merciful Lord sent to me: twelve blessed days of peace in a rubber room at North West Regional.

[Updated a few days later to add: I forgot to add in one massively bleeding head wound [Monkey2] and 4 cases of strep throat! Silly me! ;)]
.
.

The "Elf on the Shelf" Is A Minion Of Satan

2010-12-13T07:42:00.000-08:00

Have you guys seen this thing? Apparently it is all the new rage.

I gather that the general idea is that mom puts the elf out and tells the kids that the elf is a spy from Santa and is watching them constantly and reporting back to Santa if they behave badly [and are thus unworthy of Christmas gifts]. Then mom moves the awful little creature around every night so that the kids think it is really alive and moving around on its own.

Can I say Just NO!??

What the heck are people thinking?

This thing is just all kinds of wrong. For instance:

1. Who on Earth wants some creepy little supernatural doll spying on them all day? That would give ME a complex and I'm not even 5. I mean, this takes "Big Brother Is Watching You" to a new extreme, does it not?

2. Let's spoil the fun and magic of Christmas by keeping the kids constantly stressed out and worried that they won't actually make the cut, that the vicious little elf will report badly upon them, and they won't get a dang thing from Santa for Christmas. Because here in the USA we aren't neurotic, stressed out, and worried enough as it is.

3. Let's teach the kids that the only reason to be good is so that they GET STUFF! Yay! Let's not worry about teaching them that being good is intrinsically, well, Good. Let's teach them that any and all good behavior should be rewarded with material things and that the only real reason to obey Mommy is so that Evil Little Minion of Satan won't go interfering with their Christmas Loot.

4. And best of all - let's forget the real reason for Christmas. Forget all that crap about celebrating the birth of the Savior and Saint Nicholas bringing them gifts in celebration of their eternal Salvation [which is FREELY GIVEN to them and CANNOT BE EARNED of their own volition, at least according to most Christian religions]. Let's make it all about keeping our bad behavior out of the line of sight of El Creepo the Snitch.

Mmmm..yeah. Sounds good to me.

*sigh*

It is entirely possible that I am biased. My father often told me the story of "Talky Tina" the talking doll from the Twilight Zone. I was scarred for life from a young age where dolls are concerned. I generally think of dolls on the whole as evil little things that are easily possessed by Demonic Forces. My worst nightmare would be being locked overnight in a doll repair shop where I would most certainly die of a heart attack due to extreme fear before the dawn came. And this horrid little elf definitely meets my criteria for Creepy Dolls Who May Potentially Become Evil And Thus Should Be Destroyed On Sight....

But still.

Does anyone else find this whole "Elf Spy" concept just WRONG?

Book Meme

2010-12-12T10:41:00.000-08:00

My friend Anne suggested this Meme and I can't resist an opportunity to talk about books, so here we go. :)

1. Favorite childhood book?
All of the Laura Ingals Wilder books.

2. What are you reading right now?
"K is for Killer", "Good Girls Don't Get Fat", "The Writer's Digest Guide to Query Letters"

3. What books do you have on request at the library?
I must shamefully admit that I don't use the library. There are two reasons for this. 1. I found that once I had a certain number of children, I could almost never get my act together enough to return books on time. My over due book fees added up to such an amount that I felt justified just buying the books I wanted. 2. I really want to buy the books anyway. Does a crack head *borrow* their crack and give it back? I think not. I must own the books, love them, hold them, POSSESS them! LOL!

4. Bad book habit?
I'm not necessarily "Gentle" with my books - I dog ear at will, lay flat instead of marking my place, etc.

5. What do you currently have checked out at the library?
[See #3]

6. Do you have an e-reader?
No. Wretched technology!

7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time or several at once?
I usually have one fiction book that I'm reading "just for fun" and at least one educational book that I'm reading for some other purpose. Sometimes I have 3 or 4 going at once.

8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog?
No, not that I've noticed.

9. Least favorite book you read this year?
"The Godfather"

10. Favorite book you’ve read this year?
Mmmmm....hard to say. A) my memory is bad so I know I've read some fantastic books that I loved this year and now I've already forgotten them. B) I'd have a hard time picking a favorite.

But, SOME that I really enjoyed are:

"Finding Nouf"
"Marriage Bureau for Rich People"
"How To Be An American Housewife"
"Crazy Aunt Purl's Drunk, Divorced, and Covered In Cat Hair"
"Damn, Why Didn't I Write That?"
"Raising Great Kids On Your Own"

This year I re-read all the Rick Riordan Olympian books and read "The Red Pyramid" and re-read all the Harry Potter books - all of which I enjoyed tremendously as well.

and many, many others that are escaping my brain at the moment...

11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone?
I don't. Reading is my sole source of fun, pleasure, learning, and growth at this point in my life and I only read what I WANT to read.

12. What is your reading comfort zone?
I like good, clean fiction, mystery, fantasy, some sci-fi. I like books on any topic that currently interests me [these can range from gardening and raising chickens to obscure religious texts to "how to do" just about anything - I love learning new stuff]. I have a real weakness and devotion to good juvenile fiction - that's probably my favorite genre of all.

13. Can you read on the bus?
I can't read when in motion - makes me puke.

14. Favorite place to read?
any place I can take a book.

15. What is your policy on book lending?
I don't lend books - I give them away. I have literally owned several copies of many books that I love because I keep giving them away and buying more copies. I don't lend books because you so seldom get them back - I give the book away with a happy heart and don't ever look for it to come back home. Then I never have to worry about who has which book where...

16. Do you ever dog-ear books?
Yes.

17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books?
Generally not, but sometimes I do if a book affects me in a specifically good or bad way. [You should have seen my copy of that horrible Ezzo "Babywise" book - it was so marked up as to be hard to read the text. I had people borrow my copy of that book just to read what I wrote LOL!]

18. Not even with text books?
I used to mark up my text books, but it has been a long time since I worked with text books.

19. What is your favorite language to read in?
English.

20. What makes you love a book?
Compelling characters, a good story, a moral lesson, something beautifully ironic, something that makes me laugh or makes me grow as a person, all kinds of things can make a book great for different reasons.

21. What will inspire you to recommend a book?
If I couldn't put it down and enjoyed every second, or if it was a book that changed my life in some positive way.

22. Favorite genre?
Probably juvenile fiction.

23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did)?
I don't really have any genre I don't read but wish I did - if I wish to read something, I read it.

24. Favorite biography?
hmmmm....I really loved the biography of Mother Angelica. [I even named a kid after her!].

25. Have you ever read a self-help book?
Yep, I read lots of self help and/or educational type books. Perpetual curiosity is part of my nature - I have to always be learning about something, it is almost a compulsion.

26. Favorite cookbook?
Moosewood cookbook, The Southern Living Cookbook, The King Arthur Flour Baker's Companion, The Flying Biscuit Cafe Cookbook, and many many others...

27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or nonfiction)?
Probably "Damn, Why Didn't I Write That?" because it inspired me to actually START writing instead of "thinking about writing". Not inspiration in the traditional sense I guess, but inspirational to my situation!

28. Favorite reading snack?
ice cold coca-cola

29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience.
I don't know if it ruined the experience, but that hype surrounding those awful Twilight books really was ridiculous. I ended up reading all four of them "waiting for it to get great" because everyone said how great they are... but you know what? At the end of it all, those books are just awful. period. I have never been so frustrated at wasting so much time! LOL!

30. How often do you agree with critics about a book?
I don't pay any attention to critics. All that matters to me is whether *I* like the book.

31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews?
I don't mind it. If the book is bad, I feel like it is a service to the community at large to be honest about it. At the same time, most of the reviews I do are positive - because when a book is awesome, it deserves credit for being awesome.

32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you choose?
Spanish - I'd love to be more fluent in Spanish for many reasons.

33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read?
I gave up reading "intimidating" books years ago. Life is too short.

34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin?
See #33

35. Favorite poet?
I don't care for poetry actually.

36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time?
See #3 above....

37. How often have you returned books to the library unread?
N/A

38. Favorite fictional character?
Oh good Heavens? How am I supposed to pick just one? I suppose at the moment my favorites would be Percy Jackson, Hermoine Granger, and Kinsey Millhone.

39. Favorite fictional villain?
Actually, I don't like villains in general so I guess I don't really have a favorite.

40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation?
Whatever I'm reading at the moment I guess. [Vacation? what is this vacation of which you speak?]

41. The longest I’ve gone without reading.
I have never willingly gone even 24 hours without reading. The only exception was when I was in the hospital for the birth of my 5th child and I had an eclamptic seizure - it was the scariest time in my life in large part because it did brain damage that prevented me from being able to read for WEEKS - and I didn't know if that would be permanent or not. If it had been permanent, I'm not sure I could have survived such a disability given my book addiction. ;)

42. Name a book that you could/would not finish.
There are some books that I WISH I hadn't finished, but I generally do finish them once I start.

43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading?
Nothing.

44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel?
The Lord of the Rings Trilogy. This is the only instance where [with all due respect to Tolkien, my hero] I believe the movies were actually BETTER than the books. The adaptation was AMAZING. Peter Jackson rocks!

45. Most disappointing film adaptation?
Pretty much all the others. Movies usually do a disservice to the books they come from. I am usually disappointed by them.

46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time?
I'm not sure. Probably not too much, but only because I'm always too broke to buy more than a couple of books at a time. But I shop *frequently*. LOL!

47. How often do you skim a book before reading it?
Not usually. I like to start with the introduction and drink the whole thing in.

48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through?
If it were extremely boring or offensive in some way.

49. Do you like to keep your books organized?
I keep my books organized by topic mostly, and then by author.

50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them?
Fiction I give away [unless it was something just so amazingly incredible that I know I will read it again], non-fiction I typically keep for reference. Every couple of years I do a big purge and donate a ton of books that I no longer need. [And I usually kick myself later because it turns out I DID need one of those books I donated... ;) ]

51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding?
No.

52. Name a book that made you angry.
The angriest I've ever been at a book was a wretched Anne Rice book, I think it was "The Witching Hour" - I hated HATED HATED the way that stupid book ended. I literally tore it to shreds and threw it in the garbage. I still remember how annoyed and mad I was when I finished the book, and that was 20 years ago.

Recently I read "The Godfather" for the first time and felt the same way - I threw the whole thing in the trash and truly, deeply regretted reading it. I wished I could WASH out my brain when I finished. I kept expecting it to get good and it never did - it is such an icon of American Culture and it turned out to be nothing but perversion, violence, and filth. Ugh.

53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did?
The Harry Potter books. I started those books with no real interest - I literally read them because I *hate* people trying to ban books and I decided that if people were going to ban them, I was going to read them and make MY OWN DECISION about the books. Turns out, I think they are FANTASTIC. Very glad I read those [all 7 or 8 times I've read them now... LOL!]

54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t?
Twilight.

55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading?
Juvenile fiction probably...

If you love to read, I tag you! Leave a comment so I can read what you write!

The Girl Who Lived ... One Year Later

2010-12-06T02:33:00.001-08:00

In the Fall of 2009, I posted a couple of things that were very honest and very open about the situation I was in. Those posts were hopeful - they were very much "I WILL live through this" - it was me at my optimistic [in the face of all rational evidence] best.

I've been meaning for two months now to write an annual update. In my "Girl Who Lived" post, I had marked on my calendar one year later - Oct. 14, 2010 - as the date that I would be doing so much better. I have avoided this update for some time because I wasn't sure how to handle it.

When I wrote those two posts in the Fall of 2009, I thought the worst was behind me. I was wrong about that. If I had known then what I know now, I doubt I would have put that shot gun away - I would have gone ahead and pulled the trigger, because I would not have believed I could really endure what was coming.

In the 14 months since then things got worse. A LOT worse.

I lived through the death of my best friend [and main support system] to cancer. I lost my "common law" sister in law when her relationship with my brother came to a spectacularly bad end after almost a decade. Both women were people I felt very close to and whom I cared for very much.

I lived through surgery on my kidneys and major surgery on my thyroid. I took care of my children while recovering from both surgeries. I had pneumonia 4 different times in 9 months, including an antibiotic resistant bout that lasted more than 5 weeks. Through which I cared for my children and never rested. We lived through 3 different [*confirmed*] bouts of the flu. We lived through 2 different bouts of Norovirus/Rotavirus - one bout over Christmas and one bout over Easter - which began 24 hours after my thyroid surgery and left me home alone caring for 6 extremely ill puking children with very high fevers - a virus that lasted more than a week with each child and took about 2 weeks to run its course through the whole family. I'm left with terrible scarring on my neck because what should have been an uncomplicated surgery turned into a gaping wound that bled non-stop for weeks and never healed right - due, in large part I am sure, to the fact that I didn't get to sleep or rest at any point in my recovery period [and when I say I didn't get to sleep, I mean I did not sleep for more than 30 minutes in a row for 2 weeks because of puking, desperately ill children].

Every month has been a struggle to keep food on the table and to keep a roof over the heads of my children [even though our current rental house is a nightmare, at least it is a house]. I live in constant, gnawing fear of potential homelessness.

I was able to get my old job back in September of 2010, which was a blessing. It has helped some financially [but not as much as I expected because my pay was cut to 60% of what it had been previously and I drive more than an hour to get to work]. It has also led to other stresses - being a single mother of 6 and trying to juggle a job are not easy things.

There is ongoing drama with my Ex husband. He disappears for weeks or months where the kids don't hear from him, he won't return their pleading calls, he rarely ever visits the children, when he does visit he leaves early - and yet, now he's taken me back to court to demand that he be given week long visitation out of state. Given his mental health history, I would never have dreamed it was possible that he would be granted this, but I was wrong. Now I have the added stress of preparing children to go visit a father who was extremely neglectful of them even in the best of times and who was physically and emotionally abusive to them in the worst of times. They are going up to stay with him in his girlfriend's house [the girlfriend whom he described to me as "a terrible mother who gets drunk every night and neglects her child severely". Oh, and also he described her as "psycho-controlling" and "extraordinarily lazy"]. Not an environment ANY decent mother would want her children in.

The kids go *insane* every time he actually does come for a visit - nightmares and depression for 1-2 weeks before a visit and 2-3 weeks afterward. They fight like cats and dogs and the stress level in our home surrounding his rare visits is *catastrophic*. [Their therapist calls this "displaced rage" - they can't focus it at their father for fear of further abandonment so they focus it on each other and, in the case of one child, on me]. They are clearly traumatized by him, and their therapist was willing to testify to that. But her testimony doesn't matter and the children's testimony doesn't matter because by golly, a man has a right to see his own children NO MATTER WHAT HE HAS DONE. My testimony doesn't matter because everything I say is dismissed as me being a "scorned Ex wife", so of course I'm lying. And I can't subpoena his psychiatric records to prove what I am saying because of my Ex husband's "right to privacy". [What about my children's Right to Safety?] I have so much more I could say about this, but in the interest of keeping this post a readable length, I'll stop.

In the midst of all that, I've been trying to help my children have good feelings about their father - there is a gag order around here - nobody is allowed to say anything bad about their father in front of them no matter what he does. I feel it is important for the children to believe that their father is good - even if he isn't. THEY need to feel that they came from goodness and not from evil. Which makes things hard. We continue to be chronically victimized by this man but I am faced with the need to be his "PR" agent in so many ways to keep the children from hating him. [And I don't do that for HIM - I do it because that hate would eat my children alive and damage them.]

I find it hard to even put into words what I lived through last year.

Beyond the illness and financial stress and the stress of dealing with an unstable and highly unpredictable and controlling Ex who appears and disappears at random, it has been a hard year emotionally.

I had to come to terms this year with the extreme emotional abuse I endured throughout my marriage. [and other kinds of abuse that I won't detail here.] I knew for many years that the relationship was bad, but I stayed because I felt it was better for the children to have a bad father than no father at all. I stayed because I had promised "forever" and he was sick [mentally ill] and I would never have left him when he needed me so much. Now, in retrospect, I believe it was a horrible choice - I should never have stayed. The children [and I] have permanent emotional damage from the years of living with his craziness and abuse. That is my fault - my only defense is that I did the best I could with the information I had at the time. That is not a defense that gives me much comfort.

I still wake almost every night with nightmares about the things my Ex husband did to me and to our children. I started writing this post at 4:30 am - after waking from yet another nightmare and being unable to get back to sleep. Which happens to me frequently. I have panic attacks every time he calls or emails me. I live in constant fear of the "next crazy thing" he is going to do to us. My motto about my Ex husband is "the only thing I can predict about his behavior is that he will continue to be completely unpredictable". It is like living on Earth that randomly moves and tries to swallow you up and you never know where the next yawning pit will open.

I feel that the controlling and terrorizing that he does will go on forever and that I will never be free of him.

And that terrifies me and makes me feel hopeless. I cry for Sanctuary, but nobody can grant it.

Now you see why I put off this update. ONE YEAR was not a magical time frame that would make all things better. One year was barely a beginning on the healing that has to take place.

But, curiously, things ARE much better. Aside from our Post Traumatic Stress Disorder involving my Ex, our life is good.

I have come to be happy being alone - just myself and my children. I have learned to enjoy my solitude [a monumental task for me, a complete and total extrovert]. I have learned to make decisions without a friend or partner to discuss it with first. I have learned to be ALONE, in every sense of the word, and to be at peace with that.

I have learned to be happy living just with me.

My children are excelling - despite the trauma, despite my Ex husband's continuing cycle of neglect and then malevolent control, despite being poor as dirt... my children excel. All 6 of them are *really* nice kids. All 6 of them are really INTELLIGENT kids. The ones who are old enough to get grades are all honor roll students. The ones who aren't old enough to get grades will be honor roll students when they ARE old enough... LOL! I never cease to be amazed at what wonderful, amazing, kind, friendly, FANTASTIC human beings my children are. There is never a moment that I am not proud and over joyed to be their mother - it is an honor and a privilege.

It has gotten exponentially easier being a single mom to 6 young children over the last year - for one thing, the baby is now a 2yo and that makes a world of difference. For another, we have discovered routines and rules that work for our family and that make daily life survivable. And as the other children get older as well, they are all easier to care for.

In this past year other good things have happened too. I have become much closer to my father and my mother. I have written a book. I have a good start on another book [on childbirth]. For the last 6 months we have been remarkably healthy [I think we had every virus known to man last year and now we seem to be fairly immune to them all! ;) ]

I have learned who I am at a level that most people will never achieve - the crucible of my life has left me keenly aware of my own strengths and my own flaws. And I feel content that almost all of the time I am the person God wants me to be. I know how strong I am and I know that I will always make the best choices possible in the situation I am given. I know that I have the strength and the courage to always do "the right thing", no matter the personal cost.

Despite all obvious evidence, I have hope. Hope for our future. Hope that, like Job and Tobit, God will end my life in happiness and joy instead of pain and sorrow.

The Girl Who Lived is still alive and kicking.

Old Posts

2010-12-06T02:24:00.000-08:00

There were two very important and pivotal posts that I made towards the end of 2009. They both followed a situation of extreme abuse from my then estranged husband [now Ex husband]. He had abandoned his family and moved to Maryland to live with his girlfriend. But he wouldn't just stay away, he kept coming back and would not leave me alone. It was a very sick situation, and looking back I'm appalled at the abuse I withstood.

I am reposting both of these here and then I am going to post an update on the last year plus.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009
The Girl Who Lived

Only a Fool would look at a Gift and see a Curse.

And I am no Fool. [insert image of Eowyn removing her helmet just before she slays the Witch King here].

God has given me a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card and I kept seeing that as a loss somehow. I've been handed an unexpected parole on a life sentence for a crime I never committed. Why am I sad?

I need to get over the sadness, get over the continual shock of the new revelations about betrayal that keep showing up, and just TRUST in God.

I know He has good things planned for me. God will heal me, God will heal my shattered children. He will take all the bad and turn it in to our Good.

I am going to mark this date on my 2010 calendar and I'm going to look back that day and I know I'll think "Oh, Thank You Loving and Merciful God!" as I look around at my beautiful life.

That day I will Praise the Lord and rejoice that I am The Girl Who Lived Through This.

Thanks to all of you who have been praying me through this despair. I hear His still small voice again and I know that He is there. Thank you. :)

***************************************************************

Thursday, October 29, 2009
Padme Was A Wuss

We are Big Star Wars Geeks around here.

I've used a lot of metaphors from my favorite movies lately, and I'm about to use another one. This post is going to be painfully honest and difficult to read emotionally - feel free to skip it. But in the interest of "keeping it Real"....

In the Star Wars Universe, Padme Amidala is the strong female lead in Episodes 1, 2, and 3. She is first a Queen, then a Senator. She falls in love with Anakin Skywalker and marries him.

In Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith, she becomes pregnant with twin babies [Luke and Leia]. Anakin turns to the Dark Side and becomes Darth Vader, which is, understandably, shocking and upsetting for Padme, who can't believe he's capable of it.

After Anakin Force Chokes her in the midst of an Evil Fit, Padme gives birth to the twins [in the scariest, most futuristic automated surgical birth ever...worst birth portrayed in film yet in my Childbirth Educator opinion].

Then, moments after the babies are born, she simply dies - she's "lost the will to live" and dies of a "broken heart". Leaving, of course, her two infant children orphaned for all intents and purposes.

Now, oddly enough, my children have been saying that I am like Padme Amidala for years and that their father is like Anakin Skywalker. Their father was the first to make this comparison and they ran with his story. In fact, one year for Halloween they begged us to dress as Padme and Anakin, and we did.

And it became a self fulfilling prophecy in many ways. Anakin and my husband have many similarities.

And I will say that I DO identify with Padme. How does a woman keep going when the man she loved above anything else in the Universe decides to choose evil and harms her so completely? How does that woman recover herself, get out of bed, and keep going?

No matter how strong a woman is, she CAN be broken.

When I first watched Episode 3, I remember actually yelling at the screen at Padme "Don't you DARE lay there and die and abandon those babies!!!!". I was SO furious - so ANGRY at George Lucas that he would have such a strong woman die like that - broken, worthless, just lying there and dying because of her stupid broken heart... it really made me angry. I hated that movie.

I have more sympathy for Padme now. I know what it is like to have a heart so broken that you don't think you can keep going. I know what it is like to experience a betrayal so deep that you don't even remember who you are any more.

I spent a large portion of the last few months feeling suicidal on some level - some days it was a low level, other days I made actual plans and came very close to carrying them out.

Two weeks ago I found myself on the phone at midnight with a VA Suicide Prevention Counselor. He was very helpful, and that was a turning point for me.

Because, you see, Padme wussed out. I don't want to be like her. I don't want to leave my children alone - to abandon them to a life of Hell as motherless children. I WON'T do that.

But I understand why Padme did.

My life is extremely difficult now. Not only did my husband leave me and the kids, but he moved several states away - which means I don't even get an occasional weekend break while he does his "Visitation".

My life is 24/7 and, most of the time, it is 24/7 of me running in over drive trying to accomplish the impossible.

Most nights I don't get sleep - due to kids with the flu, or teething babies, or a toddler with a serious night waking issue, or an 8yo who keeps having scary sleep walking episodes...it never ends. [3 of my kids sleep all night long, 3 wake all night long - but 3 waking all night long is sufficient to insure that a mother does not get sleep].

It is like a Sadistic Game of "Whack-A-Mole" - I get one kid to sleep only to have another one cry out. It goes on all night.

Most days I don't really eat either - I am so stressed and so "GO GO GO" all the time that I have no appetite at all - I completely forget to eat. Many days it will be 5pm and my stomach will just be *hurting* and I'll think "Hmm...wonder why my stomach hurts so much?" and then it will occur to me that I've not actually eaten anything yet that day....

My days are a fog of running from one task to the next with no break. I get the kids up, get the older 4 kids to school, take care of the baby and toddler and all the stuff I have to do around the house, and try to deal with whatever demands the public school is making that week, and try to manage doctor appointments and grocery shopping [thank GOD for my father who comes to watch the two smaller girls while I deal with the doctor appointments and grocery tasks - I'd be completely lost without him]. Then the big kids get home from school and the most night-marish part of my day begins - I have to do homework with them [even the 4yo has homework!] while the baby and the toddler throw fits because they are tired and angry that I'm not 100% theirs at that moment. They climb on me and cling to me and cry and fight while I try to help especially my second grader who has TREMENDOUS amounts of homework. It goes on for hours most days - 2 hours, 3... then I try to get some sort of dinner on the table [our once *excellent* diet has gone straight to hell since the separation] while the older kids fight and fuss and run around like maniacs ...then it is a rush to get 6 kids bathed and in bed and to take a deep breath before the endless rounds of night waking begin.

Oh, and my 2yo has violent fits of anger that include beating me and the baby non-stop for hours at a time [I'm not kidding you] when she doesn't feel well or is angry about something.

And often I'm doing all this while also dealing with my own health issues - pneumonia, kidney stones, an anti-biotic resistant kidney infection that they can't cure.... yesterday I found out I may need up to 3 surgeries in the next couple of months to try to fix my kidneys.

It never ends. It won't end for years.... things may get better if I can survive until Monkey6 is school aged - at least then I can get a job and bring in some income, so the financial stress will not be as great. But that will add other stress I imagine.

And my kids are *really good* kids - compared to most kids they are Angels. They are *traumatized Angels* but angels none-the-less. How would I cope with "normal" bratty kids? [Praise God that I don't have to!]

And I have *amazing* support from my family too - my dad & mom & sister & brother. There truly is no way I could do this otherwise - it wouldn't even be a possibility.

But yet - though blessed with awesome kids and awesome family members - my days are still awfully difficult.

When I look into the future, I feel so overwhelmed and inadequate to the task ahead of me that I feel completely hopeless to achieve it.

I go to Confession a lot these days to confess feelings of complete and utter Despair.

[And, lest you all decide that I'm a complete nutjob here, all my divorce recovery books and my divorce support group tell me that everything I'm feeling is actually completely NORMAL - these feelings would all be normal for a single parent - male OR female - with only ONE child... much less Six....]

I don't know how I will accomplish what I have to accomplish here, but I do know that I WILL. I will do it. I will wake up every day and do my very best for these children [even knowing it won't be adequate many times]. I will keep going because my children *deserve* for me to keep going.

I will not lay down and die like Padme did. I just won't do it. Padme and I may have parallel stories, but mine isn't going to end like hers did.

Please pray for me.

Quote of the Day:

2010-11-12T19:48:00.001-08:00

Last thing my son said to me this morning as he got out of the van to go to school: "Of course, death by ants would be the absolute worst kind of death...." {van door slams, fade to black....}

My Job!!

2010-11-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

I realized when one of my readers asked me what my job was that I haven't actually done a real "update" on my employment situation.

In September, I got my old job back - I am back teaching Childbirth at the hospital where I have worked since 1999. Those who have been reading a long time will remember that I quit this job to take care of my "then" husband who had been diagnosed with a chronic illness - and 2 months later he demanded a divorce and moved out of state to live with his on-line girlfriend, leaving me unemployed with 6 kids to care for alone. I had been keeping in touch with my old workplace ever since and as soon as they had an opening and the hiring freeze was lifted, they hired me back.

Getting my job back has been a HUGE blessing! I only work part time [until my children are all in school, I can't actually *afford* to work full time because my child care costs would vastly exceed any income I can generate working full time], but it has really helped us make ends meet.

It has also been really good for my sanity. For over a year, I was pretty much sitting at home alone [I haven't really met people in my community or made any friends, and my kids & I were always sick that first year after the separation and couldn't go anywhere even when we had invitations]. For all that time, I rarely saw another live adult except my dad once a week or so. My whole life was just caring for my children and trying to get them stabilized. [Which was necessary actually, and I don't regret it].

Now, I am back at work, My parents and sister are babysitting for me, or I wouldn't be able to afford to go back to work at all.

Things are good - it is good for me to see actual grown ups and get to talk to people who are old enough to vote.

And I LOVE my job - working with expectant couples is just the best job. I love it. And I feel like I make a difference doing it - beyond what I do in my own home [where I definitely make a huge difference with my children], I feel like I am affecting the world at large in a positive way.

I am continuing to write as well - I do sincerely hope that once my children are older I can turn that into a full time career - only time will tell on that though.

But either way, childbirth education is something I love and I am SO very grateful to be back at it!

What Is A Life Worth?

2010-11-09T07:26:00.001-08:00

My job requires that I maintain a CPR certification for healthcare workers. I like that - I am happy that I know what to do if someone needs my help.

But I am stunned every 2 years when I have to take the class to re-certify. Because every time, the instructor says something like "If you don't have personal protective gear [ie: gloves and a breathing mask thingy], you will have to decide whether you want to risk yourself and help the person who is injured. Many people choose not to help in that situation."

And she always says this like it is reasonable and "cool" to stand by and watch someone die when you have the power to save their life.

And it always freaks me out a little. [Well, a lot.] And it makes me sad.

Here is the reality: we live in a world where a person might very reasonably go out to a bar and pick up a complete stranger and then have sex with that stranger. They may do this several times a week. "Hooking up" is a socially acceptable pass time in our culture.

This person would have no qualms about exchanging every bodily fluid known to man with this "hot" stranger they picked up at a bar.

And please - don't talk to me about "Safe Sex" - that is a ridiculous thing to say. Condoms are only reliable at preventing pregnancy 61-80% of the time [depending on which study you read] and the HIV virus is much smaller than a sperm cell - so if condoms fail to prevent pregnancy that often, how often do you think they are failing to prevent HIV transmission? And that's when they are even used correctly or used at all - as we all know, in practice many, many people don't bother.

So, we have this socially acceptable and quite common "hooking up" thing going on - even though we know it is extremely risky behavior. Even though we know people DO contract HIV, Hepatitis B, and all manner of other nasty little viruses through this type of contact. On a regular basis.

And hey, you know what? If you want to do that, it is not my business at all. I'll never say one word to you about it. Good luck with that.

But at the same time, we have a situation where it is ALSO culturally acceptable to stand aside and let someone DIE because you don't want to risk "exchanging bodily fluids" with them.

Even though there has NEVER been ONE single documented case of someone contracting a disease from performing CPR to save someone's life. [I asked about this, I wanted to know]. Even though "deep kissing" is considered very low risk for HIV transmission [if a risk at all], and CPR involves MUCH less contact/exchange than "deep kissing".

Does this make anyone else out there want to SCREAM at the lunacy?

It just blows my mind.

But I want you to know World: If *I* am the one who comes upon you during your cardiac arrest or after your car wreck, I will do *everything* I possibly can to save your life. Whether I have gloves or a breathing mask or not.

And if, by some bizarre fluke, I am actually the first person EVER to contract a disease and die from doing CPR, then I will die PROUD that I did the right thing.

You could come to my funeral and throw a flower on my coffin and enjoy the rest of your life knowing I was glad to have saved it.

[But don't go asking me to hook up with you at a bar, cause that ain't gonna happen. ;) ]

God Help Us All.

Quote of the day:

2010-11-06T08:53:00.000-07:00

Monkey4 [5yo] walks up to me and says in a very sweet voice "Mama, sometimes BabyMonkey [2yo] kinda makes me want to throw up, cause she eats off the floor."

[it is true, what can I say?! BabyMonkey is the "floor eatin'est" baby I've ever seen....]

Our New Favorite Recipe:

2010-11-06T08:01:00.000-07:00

Old-Fashioned Soft Pumpkin Cookies

Ingredients

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1/2 cup butter (1 stick), softened
1 cup LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
1 large egg
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Glaze (recipe follows)

Directions

PREHEAT oven to 350° F. Grease baking sheets.

COMBINE flour, baking soda, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt in medium bowl. Beat sugar and butter in large mixer bowl until well blended. Beat in pumpkin, egg and vanilla extract until smooth. Gradually beat in flour mixture. Drop by rounded tablespoon onto prepared baking sheets.

BAKE for 15 to 18 minutes or until edges are firm. Cool on baking sheets for 2 minutes; remove to wire racks to cool completely. Drizzle Glaze over cookies.

FOR GLAZE:
COMBINE 2 cups sifted powdered sugar, 3 tablespoons milk, 1 tablespoon melted butter and 1 teaspoon vanilla extract in small bowl until smooth.

Strawberry Muffins

2010-11-05T12:36:00.000-07:00

OK, this started out this morning as me trying to make Alton Brown's blueberry muffins. However, I quickly realized that I didn't have half the stuff I was supposed to use to make his recipe. But... I *really* wanted to make some muffins for breakfast.

So, I sorta "made up" this recipe using stuff I had in the house. Which is kinda scary. BUT, in this case, it worked out GREAT!

My kids and I loved these muffins, they are very tasty and very soft, fluffy muffins. These were a hit with ALL of my kids [I didn't tell the one that "doesn't like strawberries" about them having strawberry, and that kid ate 3 muffins and couldn't stop bragging about how delicious they were].

So, here is my creation:

Strawberry Muffins

- 1 cup sugar

- 1/2 cup canola oil

- 1 egg

- 1 cup yogurt [I used the "Oikos non-fat Greek yogurt" and it was great]

- 1 cup strawberry all fruit [I used "Smuckers Simply Fruit strawberry" - jam or jelly should work fine too I bet] Divide the strawberry all fruit into two 1/2 cup portions

- 2 cups of unbleached self rising flour [you could substitute 2 cups all purpose flour, 2 tsp baking powder and 1/2 tsp salt if you want]

Preheat oven to 375.

Mix sugar, oil, egg, yogurt and 1/2 cup of strawberry all fruit. Mix well.

Add flour and mix just until moist. Add remaining 1/2 cup strawberry all fruit and just swirl it in a bit - leaving streaks of strawberry goodness in the batter. Do not over mix.

Place in greased muffin tin [I use "Pam" cause I am lazy, it works fine]. Don't over fill the muffin tin because these rise a lot.

Bake for 20 minutes.

** I plan to try this with other flavors too, like blackberry all fruit. I bet they'll be good with any fruit flavor.

And The Winner Is:

2010-11-03T16:44:00.000-07:00

Most ridiculous sibling conflict of the evening:

"Mama! Monkey2 stole the baby from us! We had her first!".

[Yes, they were talking about their ACTUAL baby sister. And it became a HUGE drama with tears and wailing and tearing of hair - well, I was the one tearing my hair out, but still....]

Next I'll be hearing "Moooooom - He's breathing my air!"

I'm Laughing....

2010-11-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

Last night for dinner I made shrimp. I made this especially for my 5yo, who LOVES shrimp and always asks me to make it.

We had enjoyed a pleasant dinner together and the other 5 children had already been excused from the table. Little Miss 5yo was finishing her second huge helping of shrimp and asked me to get her more ["thirds"].

I got up and started putting more shrimp on her plate. She comes over to stand next to me at the stove and says "Thank you Mommy! I LOVE shrimp! Shrimp is my favorite food! Because it is SOOOO Yummy!". I smile and say "Good! I'm glad!".

She gets quiet for a minute, very thoughtful suddenly, and then asks me "Mommy, is shrimp an animal?"

[Now, I must admit that briefly I considered saying "NO, shrimp are really like sea bugs - kind of like the cockroaches of the ocean". Which would have been completely true. But I felt it would be prudent NOT to share that fact at this particular moment... .]

So I replied "Well, yes."

Her eyes got as big as saucers and she said, in a completely horrified voice: "Oh...no! Is it really?! I'll never eat shrimp again!"

And I just had to laugh. She left her plate [of "thirds"] untouched and ran off to tell her older sister, the 7yo [animal rights activist], that shrimp are really animals and that they could no longer eat shrimp.

.....

However, I must note - she did come back and pick at that plate later anyway - all the "animals" were gone from the plate by bedtime!

LOL!
.

No, I'm Not Voting Today.

2010-11-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

So, my facebook feed is going crazy with all my friends saying "Go Vote! Vote Now! You MUST Go Vote!". I've seen all sorts of things posted to try to instill in me a burning desire to go vote today - including Friends who posted pictures of dead babies. [which, you know what? That SUCKS. Thank you for completely traumatizing me before I even had coffee this morning.]

Well, I love my friends, but I'm not going to vote today. [And I am also laughing, because all my friends are telling me to vote on opposite sides - "Vote today or THEY will". Hell, half of "them" are my friends too! ]

Y'all all go on and vote and just cancel each other out, OK?

Part of this is logistical - I never changed my voter registration when we moved last year [yeah, 16 months ago now....]. But I *could* have changed it. I chose not to.

You know why? Because I'm SICK of the illusion that we "little guys" can do anything to affect politics in this country.

I have been a rabid voter since the day I turned 18. I served in the military, I have voted in every election since I turned 18 [even the little stupid elections that nobody else turns out for]. I have been proud of my freedom to vote. I love my country and I am a Patriot. [In the true sense of the word - not as some co-opted motto for this or that fringe group....]

But somewhere recently I realized how futile voting is and that took the wind out of my sails.

A bunch of incompetent, bought and sold Piles of Crap run this country. Today, you have the great privilege of voting for more incompetent, bought and sold Piles of Crap to run this country. You can have a green one or a red one, but you are still voting for a Pile of Crap with sprinkles on top.

There ARE no good choices.

Now, I don't personally fit neatly into any "category" of voter. I am pro-life [my biggest voting issue - because none of the other rights and privileges make a damn bit of difference if you are dead before you take your first breath]. I am pro-legalized recreational drugs [tax those puppies to hell and back and shut down crime all at once - isn't that a win/win?]. I am pro-small government. I am pro-military [because you only get to vote because our stick is big enough to keep anyone from coming to take that Right away from you]. I am pro leave people the hell alone and let them do what they want to do as long as they aren't hurting anyone else.

So, none of those Piles of Crap with sprinkles on top represent me and my beliefs anyway.

But even when I suffer the delusion that one of those Piles of Crap represents me - I am always sorry I voted for them in the end. Take old George W. Bush. I voted for him because he was Pro-Life and had the balls to say he was actually going to do something about it. I voted for him with great excitement and enthusiasm. Great HOPE, in fact. "Save the Babies" and all of that.

You know what the Pile of Crap did? He didn't change any meaningful abortion laws [not that I've noticed at least - it is still legal and still shockingly common], but he did sneak that Patriot Act in there. He took away the very freedoms I was willing to die to protect, and he did it without even giving us a vote on it. THAT certainly wasn't in his damn platform when I voted for him.

I voted for "not Obama" in 2008. Heck, I can't even remember the guy's name now.

I didn't vote FOR him so much as AGAINST Obama, because I thought then [and I think my point has been proven since then] that Obama was an idiot, idealistic academic without the experience to lead a nation. He was also gruesomely pro-abort.

And Obama has lived up to all of my expectations for him. He sucks. Just like George W. Just like Billy Clinton. [Hey, at least I could probably let my daughter be a White House aid safely under Obama. If nothing else, Michelle Obama looks like she'd kick the life out of him if he tried pulling up some poor little 18 year old kid's skirt. So, there's that, that's progress I reckon].

It IS cool to have a black president though, and things suck as much as usual, so I guess it all came out a wash.

Today you get to vote for the guys who had the MOST money to back them so they made it to the polls. That means they also OWE the most money to those "silent partners" who are bankrolling their campaigns. THAT is who those guys are loyal to - not YOU, dear misguided Voter. You and your silly ideas about Democracy and having a voice in things. Tut tut.

And whatever their platforms are, they are just made up lies anyway. You vote for what you THINK *they* might vote for, and it is all meaningless. You don't control what they do once you put them there. [See "Patriot Act" above].

So, you know, Y'ALL go vote. I'm not voting. Have fun picking your Pile of Crap with sprinkles on top and revel in your false sense that you have ANY good choice at the poll today.

They day a decent human being who can be trusted runs for office, I will vote again.

[I don't expect to ever vote again....]

"It's terrible to contemplate how few politicians are hanged."~ G.K. Chesterton

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[And now I know you all want to smack me; sorry about that. You know I love you anyway. :) And I apologize for cursing like a Marine in this post - but politicians are the only thing I know of that are worth cussin' about these days... :) ].
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[And if you have any relatives or loved ones who are running for office today, please know that I mean that ALL politicians are rotten Piles of Crap EXCEPT your loved one - I'm sure they are the exception and are wonderful human beings. ;) ]
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'Twas the Day Before Halloween Weekend

2010-10-29T17:51:00.000-07:00

We had a great "Day Before Halloween Weekend".

I dropped the kids off for school and came home, only to get a call immediately from the school. Monkey4's [5yo, Kindergartner] teacher called to say that she thought Monkey4 had pink eye.

I went immediately to pick up Monkey4 from the school. I was very sad because I knew she would be *heartbroken* [today was the Halloween party and all sorts of festivities at school and she missed it all].

I got there and picked her up. She was definitely heartbroken. :( Looking at her very closely, I could see that one of her eyes was very faintly red, but there was no discharge, no puffiness, no redness on the outside of her eye - nothing that would indicate Pink Eye in my opinion [and we've had some pretty extensive experience with pink eye around here ;) ]. I think the teacher just got paranoid - she said some of the kids in the class had had it this week. I think Monkey4 just has allergies - and I'm sad that the teacher chose to send her home [especially since the whole class had already been exposed according to the teacher because of other kids having it].

Sooo... we decided to party all day. We got Starbucks for breakfast [something that NEVER happens]. We came home and we did lots of snuggling, a fair amount of dancing, and she got to play with her baby sister. In fact, the Monkey Baby was thrilled to have an unexpected playmate - they had a blast.

I let Monkey4 pick what she wanted for lunch and then I bought her an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's vanilla ice cream [she picked the flavor] and told her she could eat as much as she wanted. [She has since shared it with several siblings just because she is so sweet - and most of it is still in the freezer]. She was thrilled though. [I did this because she missed her party and I wanted her to have a very special treat - no child of mine has ever been handed an entire pint of ice cream and been told "have at it! Its all yours" before LOL!].

Monkey4 had a great day after all and proclaimed me the "Best Mommy Ever". ;)

Then the other kids got home and we ran errands.

We got home and I made a great dinner of pasta with two different kinds of home made sauces and my "special" garlic bread. The kids loved it. [and I love making something they will all actually eat and that nobody complains about!]

After dinner it was Jack-O-Lantern carving time! The children submitted two different designs they had agreed on, and I carved our huge pumpkin. I put one face on one side and one on the other. Then we roasted the pumpkin seeds and made "pepitas". They were surprisingly delicious! In fact, they were so delicious that Monkey4 declared that she loved them more than Ketchup [she is known around these parts as "The Ketchup Monster" so that is TRUE LOVE indeed!].

[See "The Ketchup Monster" below - note the TWO empty bottles of ketchup beside her.]

Then another dance party broke out... :D I love watching my kids dancing [and dancing with them, even though I'm terrible at it!].

Tonight I just feel so content - life is so good. My kids are so wonderful. I enjoy them so much. THIS is what life is all about!

God Bless You!

Beautiful Monkey4:

Adorable Sisters:

I'm Raising A Cat Burgler

2010-10-24T13:38:00.000-07:00

With my older 5 children, I have pleasant visions of what they will become when they grow up. Doctors, chefs, scientists, Firepeople, Veterinarians... you know - good, helpful, courageous.... very positive professionals.

Not so for my youngest.

I'm pretty sure that kid is bound to be a Cat Burglar.

She is really, really good at stealing things.

From her earliest days, she was able to get into places and take things that she shouldn't have been able to access. Here are some of her earlier stealth missions:

The door to this room was shut. A normal baby would not have been able to get into this laundry area with the dog food and the recycle bin. However, it was a piece of cake for Environmentally Friendly Baby:

The Egg Stealing Phase. This phase lasted for weeks. I would randomly walk into a room to find either A) the baby playing with a dozen eggs and looking cute, as in the photo below; or B) eggs smashed all over the floor and Egg Stealing Baby in another room playing innocent. Now, seriously, most kids this little would *never* have been able to even get the refrigerator door open. No problem at all for Egg Stealing Baby.

The child was an absolute Christmas Tree Menace. She was highly annoyed because for some ridiculous reason, we put all of the most interesting [and breakable] ornaments up high on the tree where she couldn't reach them. I was certain she would plummet to her death during one of her Ornament Stealing Escapades last year, but no. [Several ornaments DID, however, meet an early demise]. She's really good, that one.

I wonder if she thought that Snowman Ornament was worth all the effort she put into stealing him?

For a while she branched out into Hacking. I would come into the room to find all manner of strange things on the computer screen. Including a Mostly Naked Hacker Baby at times.

And since then, she's only gotten stealthier and more spectacular with her thieving ways.

This week, for example, I was making some pumpkin muffins to take to a friend.

Now, mind you, my little Cat Burglar had already eaten TWO huge muffins that I made special for her. [Which is a lot for a kid who weighs only 21 pounds IMO]. I made another batch for my friend. They turned out beautiful. I set them on the counter [up high, out of reach] to cool and went to reply to an email from my boss [I got a job! Did I mention that?!].

Less than 3 minutes later, I realize that Cat Burglar is VERY quiet. This is *always* a bad thing. Always.

I walk into the kitchen to find that Cat Burglar has *silently* pulled up one of her little chairs, climbed up onto the counter, and taken one bite from each of the dozen muffins I made for my friend. Just one bite. Out of all of them.

*sigh*

So, I scolded Cat Burglar [while laughing hysterically on the INSIDE] and then made a new batch.

But seriously - I can SO see her making a long and very profitable career out of stealing highly desired but obscure things from impossible places.

And she has a knack for getting the job done before you catch her. I mean, biting one dozen muffins in less than 3 minutes - AFTER moving furniture and climbing to get up there within that same 3 minutes - you gotta give the kid some cred. She's GOOD! So, while on the bad days I despair and envision a long future of going to visit her in the maximum security prison every week when she grows up; I think it is more likely that I'll be visiting her at her mansion. Which she will, of course, procure with her massive amounts of ill gotten gains.

It is going to be an interesting ride to see where this one ends up. ;)

The BEST Weekend

2010-10-17T16:07:00.000-07:00

I try to write about thought provoking or funny things on this blog, in an attempt to entertain my readers. However, I also have my blog posts bound into books each year to become keepsakes for my family.

So, today, I'm writing about something that I want in that book - to remember forever!

Due to a SNAFU on my part [and being generally broke!], we ended up home bound this weekend with no ability to drive anywhere. What could have been a really boring weekend turned out to be the best, most fun weekend I can remember in a very, very long time.

We just had fun!

Here is what we did:

- Tons of snuggling. It was wonderful to just have the whole weekend to hang out with each other, snuggling, tickling, giggling and just being silly and lovey dovey.

- Tons of cooking together [after having no AC all spring/summer/fall, it was AWESOME to have it cool enough to bake - check out these yummy cookies we made!].

- We talked - about serious stuff and extremely silly stuff.

- We laughed. A lot.

- We had several "Dance Parties" featuring our new favorite song by Will.i.am and lots of other favorite tunes. There is really just nothing cuter than watching little kids dance like crazy.

- We walked our dogs all around our neighborhood.

- We went to feed the ducks and geese at the lake in our neighborhood and they ate right out of our hands.

- We did "crazy hair" [including a less than successful - but hysterical - "faux hawk" on The Boy] just for fun - because we could.

- We read and read and read. And read some more. All cuddled up cozy on the couch.

- We played Chess. A lot. I am really bad at chess. I'm hoping that my kids are still learning while they are beating me [and no, I'm NOT "letting them win"!]. ;)

My only regret is that my digital camera died on me and I had no way to take pictures. [That is truly a travesty with this many cute kids around. My life brims over with adorable photo ops! It is a real shame to miss them!].

All in all - an incredible weekend! I'm so glad I had this time to just *enjoy* my children - because they are amazing!

Hope your weekend was great too! God Bless you!

Should I Be Concerned?

2010-10-16T13:21:00.000-07:00

So, it is a lazy Saturday afternoon. I am sitting on the couch snuggling my 2yo and talking with my 9yo son and 12yo daughter.

Suddenly, my 7yo daughter walks in, leading my 3yo daughter - who is completely tied up from head to toe with the dog's leash and a long strand of ribbon. Bringing up the rear is my 5yo daughter who is making sure she doesn't escape.

My 7yo announces loudly, to no one in particular, "We have a prisoner!".

The 3yo prisoner is smiling from ear to ear, marching along without complaint.

They march through the living room, and then the 5yo pats the 3yo prisoner on the shoulder gently and says cheerfully "Let's go Baby Monster".

Yep. My life is surreal. ;)

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My New Theme Song

2010-10-16T05:45:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day:

2010-10-14T09:45:00.001-07:00

I was holding my 2yo and she was being especially adorable. I said "I love you!" and she laughed and looked at me and said "You're so cute!". LOL! [not that she hears that ALL THE TIME or anything... :D ]

Don't Apologize To Me!

2010-10-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

There is a phenomenon that I experience fairly often and I want to address it.

Women who know my background will sometimes say something and then backtrack.

For instance, a woman of my acquaintance will say something along the lines of "My husband is SO awesome! Last night he came home from work and sent me up to take a bath while he made dinner and watched the kids! I love him so much!"

Then she will stop, think for a moment, get this sad or embarrassed look on her face, and say "Oh, I'm so sorry, I guess that's not a very nice thing to say to you after all that you've been through."

And it makes me want to cry - because I was *thrilled* to hear what a good guy her husband is - it makes me happy for them, for their children, and for the world at large.

We are ALL enriched by good men treating their families well.

Unfortunately, I get this reaction on many occasions - on the announcement of a 20th anniversary, or a woman sharing about the date her husband took her own, or the cool thing he did with their children that weekend. The woman shares her good news with a glowing face, then she stops, her face falls, and she apologizes to me.

And it just breaks my heart. I am FULLY capable of feeling VERY happy for a woman who has a good husband. In fact, because of my experiences, I probably understand more than most what a treasure that man is to his family. I do not want another woman's joy dimmed because my husband turned out to be .... less than worthy of the the gifts he was given, shall we say.

My experience has been extreme - most women will never be abandoned to live in poverty with 6 young children like I have been [and Thank God for that!]. But my experience has NOT made me hate men, or hate marriage, or hate happy families.

Men are important. Husbands and Fathers are VITAL to their families. There is nothing in this world that gives me more joy or happiness than to see a man treating his wife and children well. I love it. It warms my heart and gives me hope for this sad world that we live in.

I devote a fair chunk of my childbirth education classes to the importance of fathers - if I can affect even just one single dad in each of my classes, if I can give him the encouragement to truly bond with his child, to take his job as dad seriously, to give it the place of prominence it deserves in his life and his priorities... then I have made a true difference in this world.

Because, you know, I worry about our world. I see very few men taking an active interest in their children - very few. [There are GREAT dads out there, don't get me wrong - I'm just worried that they are the stragglers of a dying breed]. I see a LOT of men abandoning their children - not just having a midlife crisis and divorcing their wives, but MOVING out of state for some woman they met online and literally *leaving* their children behind. I see this happening all over the place - I know so many women who are just like me.

This has become an epidemic. I heard some refer to this recently as a Facebook problem - but I don't think it is really Facebook that is to blame. While it is true that I know a scary number of women who were abandoned by their husbands after those husbands hooked up with some girl from 20 years ago on Facebook, the fact remains that if these men had not had access to Facebook, they would have picked up women in some other way. You can't blame Facebook because it is being ill used by men who have no loyalty to their families.

It is a very serious thing and something that I see happening more and more these days. Maybe this problem of male abandonment has always been there in these numbers and I just didn't know - but it is certainly pervasive these days.

So, I worry a lot. Children need their fathers - they really do. They need GOOD fathers who love them.

But then I read something like this guy, and it renews my sense of hope for our society. The world needs this message, and I'm so grateful to this Dad for speaking out to his fellow dads. Good for him! Good for US!

So, back to apologizing - don't apologize to me because you have an awesome husband, or because your children have an amazing father. Treasure him - because a man like that is worth treasuring. [And please, SHARE your JOY with me - by all means!]

You know who I wish would apologize to me? Women who have good men and don't appreciate them. I truly HATE to hear a woman bashing her husband. It is something that I just don't think should be done. [Even when I was married and in a very bad situation, I never bashed my Ex husband - I always spoke well of him to everyone who knew him. That is part of why it was so shocking to everyone when he left I guess].

I don't like to hear a woman being petty - a woman who has a perfectly good husband, who loves her and her children, and she's nitpicking or criticizing him for stupid or trivial things. THAT kind of thing drives me crazy - because a woman with a good husband should value that man, not tear him down.

THOSE are the women that I want to apologize to me. :)

God Bless you - and today, especially, I ask God to bless all of those fathers out there working so hard to do a good job and raise up fine children. Those guys ROCK!

The Perfect Weekend

2010-10-01T08:07:00.000-07:00

Last weekend was a perfect weekend. It has been a long time since we've had a nice weekend like that. Nothing special happened, but I wanted to write about it - to remember it.

It had finally cooled down some, which helped - it was the first time in 5 months that it has been less than 85 degrees in our house. We ALL felt so relieved. I did not realize how oppressive the heat had been [for June, July, and August the temp inside had been between 89-92 degrees non-stop - it had cooled down to 85 for September]. [And it was MUCH hotter than that in the bedrooms where the window unit AC could not affect the temp]. It was outstanding to be in our house and not be sweating and sticky and miserable!

Saturday morning started with all of us snuggling on the big bed. We laid there for an hour or so, kids taking turns [nicely!] on who got to lie right next to me. We just talked and hung out and snuggled. It was wonderful.

Then we got up, and I made crepes with the help of my 5yo [it was her turn to cook with mommy]. It was lovely. The children LOVE crepes, and it is so simple to do. We had a great breakfast together.

We spent most of the day lying around, reading, talking, cuddling, playing Yu-Gi-Oh, and just enjoying life.

My 5yo had a birthday party to attend, so we took her to that.

Then we came home and made cookies.

For dinner, my oldest child had requested lemon spaghetti. So, we had fun making that together [though half the kids chose to eat just spaghetti and parmesan cheese without the lemon cream sauce!]. I thought it turned out delicious though, and so did half the kids.

On Sunday we got up early for Church. I got all of the kids ready without too much stress [still one of the hardest things I do - getting 6 young children ready for Church and out the door on time with no help!].

When we got home, we ate lunch and then decided to sort shoes. With 6 children in shoes, I had about 5 big garbage bags of shoes that I was saving "in between sizes" or that others had given me for the kids. We sorted through it all and got it down to 3 small rubbermaid containers that are easy to store. The rest we donated [or threw out - some of them I was like "WHAT was I thinking even saving these shoes?! They are ragged!"].

We ended up with 3 big bags that we donated to the Salvation Army on Monday, and we cleared out quite a large spot in the area where we were storing them. It was great. The children all helped and were very enthusiastic - we worked together and it felt like a huge accomplishment. [Plus they were excited because all of them got "new shoes" out of the deal LOL!].

Nothing special happened this weekend. We just got to enjoy each other. It was wonderful!

I hope this fall brings many more weekends like that!

What's Good About Public School?

2010-09-24T07:50:00.000-07:00

After I did my "Thank You Public School" post, it occurred to me [after reading my friend Michelle's comment] that I wasn't being fair and balanced in sharing about public school.

So, this post is about what I LIKE about public school. There ARE some things.

The first positive thing I have to say about our local public school is that we have had *fantastic* teachers. While we did have problems with two teachers last year in the beginning when we first started [specifically with their attitude that my children were somehow socially deprived mentally retarded morons because they had been homeschooled], over all, my children have been blessed with amazing teachers. My son's second grade teacher from last year qualifies for Sainthood as far as I'm concerned - she went so far above and beyond to help my "late reader" boy that I just love her. If I ever win the lottery I'm sending her a million dollars just in thanks for her sheer awesome-ness. :)

And ALL of the teachers we've had have been good. With four kids in school and this being our second year of public school, you'd think we'd have had at least one stinker in the bunch - but so far no. I've been amazed and very gratified at the quality of teachers my children have had. They are wonderful. [OK, not including the PE teachers in this... we know I have issues with those guys.... :) ]

Second, the principal at my children's elementary school has been amazing. We have had two incidents of bullying, and she has been INCREDIBLY and IMMEDIATELY responsive - and has nipped the behavior in the bud both times. In fact, as my grandma would say "she snatched them bullies up and jerked a knot in their tails so fast it made my head spin!". When schools say "zero tolerance" these days, they MEAN it. I am very impressed with my children's principal.

Third, I LOVE how many "extra curricular" things my children have access to through the schools. My children all have art and music and computer science and the list goes on. Most of the teachers in these classes have been outstanding too - my children's music teacher in particular I adore. In middle school, my oldest child has the opportunity to play many different varieties of sports as well as participating in competitive chorus and all manner of other things - the opportunities have abounded. These are, frankly, the kind of extensive opportunities that I could NOT have provided for my children in a homeschool environment - it would have been too expensive.

Fourth, I LOVE the way the Gifted Program is handled at the Middle school level. My oldest child is in an "all gifted" track - meaning all of her academic classes are gifted classes and she is in class only with other gifted kids. This keeps her motivated to learn in a way that I could never do at home - she is challenged by her gifted peers to always do her best. In her case, competition has been very good for her academic growth. I like her gifted teachers and I think the whole program has been excellent. I'm very happy with it.

Fifth, I will end by saying that I love the fact that I don't have to teach math any more. This is not so much a strength of public school as it is an admission of weakness on my part - I just flat hated teaching math. ALL of my children, thus far, have been excellent at math - which is alien to me. LOL! But my oldest, while being gifted at math, HATES it. We would spend HOURS sometimes with her whining and complaining over a single math assignment for her homeschool day - it drove me NUTS. Oddly enough, in public school, she does not whine and cry when they give her very difficult math assignments. :) This is better for all of us I believe. :)

So, there you have it. My BALANCED report on the "other side" of our journey from homeschooling to public schooling.

Would I go back to homeschooling if I had the financial means and the social support to do so? Yes, I would. I do believe it is superior, and I miss it.

But in my actual situation, public school has really not been that bad - and some parts of it have been very good.

God bless you!

Happy Birthday Monkey1!!!!

2010-09-21T11:20:00.001-07:00

Wow, my first baby is now TWELVE!

Monkey1 had her birthday this past weekend. I think she had a great time.

She asked me to bring the Baby Monkey to her school to have lunch with her, which I did. That was very fun! [And Baby Monkey loved it!].

Then after school she got to go shopping with her grandparents - nothing like going to the Mall and being told "get whatever you want" when you are twelve. She got LOTS of cute tween stuff. Then her grandparents took her out to her favorite Chinese restaurant.

The next day she had a party at a local place that has Laser tag [courtesy of her grandparents who paid for that too!]. It was really a lot of fun - all of the kids had a blast.

Over all a wonderful birthday I think!

She has grown into such a lovely, interesting young lady - I just LOVE the person she is.

Thank you God for Monkey1!

Crisis Averted

2010-09-20T16:28:00.000-07:00

The Victim:

The Hero:

Tonight at dinner, Monkey5, the 3yo, suddenly started crying and screaming hysterically. She was screaming "I'm bleeding! I'M BLEEDING!" at the top of her little lungs.

I looked at her and could not see what the problem was, nor figure out how she had mangled herself while simply eating dinner quietly at the table.

My son, however, being wiser than I, realized immediately what the problem was.

He reached over, grabbed her arm, LICKED the spaghetti sauce off her forearm and then said "There, see, all better!"

Monkey5 laughed hysterically through her tears and hugged her brother in thanks - much relieved that her gaping wound turned out only to be tomato sauce after all...

My kids are weird. I'm just saying.

So This Is What They Mean By Mid Life Crisis?

2010-09-20T06:00:00.001-07:00

I guess I’ve gotten around to having my mid-life crisis recently.

Fortunately, my personal crisis will not involve abandoning my family or buying an expensive sports car or a motorcycle. [Although I do recently have a strange longing for one of those awesome new Mustangs… ;) ].

But I’ve been very contemplative lately. I’ve sort of come through all the crisis surrounding the divorce and things have stabilized [as much as they ever do anyway]. And lately I’ve found myself pondering many things – like where I am in life and how different it is from where I thought I’d be.

If someone had told me 20 years ago that I would be the single mother of 6 children in 20 years, I would have laughed, hysterically.

At the age of 21, I was a “Feminist”. I had no plans [nor desire] to marry. I definitely did not want children. I planned to be a single, childless career woman academic.

And here I am, weeks before my 41st birthday, and I am everything I never planned to be. My head spins at the sheer irony of it all!

In many ways, I turned out to be the “Poster Child” for the Feminist movement's admonition that a woman should NEVER count on a man. That she should put herself and her career first. That she should not give her "all" to a man and children. That it will go badly if she does. That men abandon wives and children all the time, and that a woman who has not paid close attention to her career [instead of investing her time in raising children and caring for her husband] will be left with children she can’t support.

And you know what? The Feminists were kind of right. [Yeah, it chaps my hide to admit that. LOL!]

But I wouldn’t change a thing – because had I followed the advice of the Feminists, I would have missed out on all of the best things in my life.

True, I would not be living in poverty with 6 children. I would not be 40 years old and abandoned by the man I gave up everything to love and care for.

But I would have missed out on my children. Without a doubt, my children have been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. Watching them grow and develop their own little personalities and shaping them into truly excellent people who will make this world a better place… well, it has been a privilege. And a joy.

And I would not be the person I am today had I stuck to my original path – I am a better human being for the things I have suffered. I am kinder, more humble, more giving, more understanding, more loving, and more gentle than I ever would have been if I had followed my original plan. I am less judgmental and more self sacrificing. I am wiser and a harder worker.

My character has been formed by the pain I have lived through, and I think it is a good thing. I think it benefits the world around me, and certainly the people who know me.

Looking back… I can’t say I would change any of my choices.

I look forward to the second half of my life – with a little fear [after all, God or Karma or whatever you believe in hasn’t exactly been gentle with me]; but also with great anticipation and expectation as well.

And I know I am up to the challenge of whatever comes my way – I lived through this first 40 years. And it wasn’t easy. I am one of the strongest people I know. And while I don’t have faith that things are going to necessarily get better [though I certainly hope so], I DO have faith that I am strong enough to take on whatever does come my way.

But I AM still eyeing that mustang... LOL!

Thalassemia update

2010-09-10T16:50:00.001-07:00

I spoke to our Pediatrician today about my many questions about her diagnosis of thalassemia for my 2yo.

In speaking to her tonight, I found out that the lab tests they did were NOT conclusive and did not actually show thalassemia. They only showed a "persistence of hemoglobin f" - which, from what I can tell, CAN be associated with thalassemia but also with other things.

The Pediatrician told me tonight that thalassemia was her "best guess" but in no way was it a sure diagnosis. She wants to do more testing in a few weeks.

Monkey6's actual blood work came back showing that her iron levels were *fine*, but that her hemoglobin was low.

Given our complete lack of family history and us being of the entirely wrong ethnic origins, I'm just not believing that Monkey6 has thalassemia.

And, given her complete lack of *any* symptoms at all - I'm just not convinced that this lively, intelligent, and ENERGETIC child has anything seriously wrong at all.

The Pediatrician closed by telling me to "make sure she takes her iron supplements". Aside from the fact that Monkey6 hates the supplement and isn't really willing to take it, I don't understand WHY I should give her an iron supplement if her iron levels are *good* [as the doctor said herself two minutes before she told me I had to supplement].

In fact, at this point, I don't think I trust this doctor at all.

I am pretty upset that she told me my daughter had a life threatening disease without being *absolutely certain* it was true - that was really kind of mean actually.

And this all makes me sad, because up to this point I have absolutely LOVED this doctor and trusted her completely. It is just such a weird situation. I have no idea where to go from here.

Thank You, Public School

2010-09-07T19:35:00.001-07:00

For those who don't know, I homeschooled my children for 5 years and then last year, after my husband abandoned us, I enrolled them in public school for the first time.

Public school has been both better and worse than I expected. Some parts of public school have actually been good, and maybe some day I'll post about that. But I've come through this experience with a firm conviction that homeschooling IS the best option if one can manage it and if one has the social support to do it without going crazy or keeping the children isolated.

To come to the point here, my subject line is entirely sarcastic. There are many things I do thank the public school for, but this post is tongue in cheek.

So, here are the things I'm "thanking" public school for this week:

1. My darling boy, my just turned 9yo Christian Gentleman son, walked up to me this weekend and said "Hey mom, what is a F*cker?". Now, I TRULY almost dropped into a dead faint at even hearing the word come out of his mouth.

[I will confess to being a potty mouth at times - you can take the girl outta the Corps, but you can't take the Corps outta the girl you know. But the extent of my cursing is "Hell" and "Damn" and that's about it. Oh yeah, there was that one time I let "Ass" slip out [and heard it repeated by one of my adorable children less than 2 hours later]. But the "F" Bomb? No way man.]

So, AFTER I picked my jaw back up off the floor, I said, pretty calmly "Son, where did you hear a word like that?" and he said "Oh, that's written on the wall in the bathroom at school. It says 'Tommy is a F*cker'. What does that mean mom?" [For the record, "Tommy" is one of his best friends]. I decided against a full anatomical description of exactly what a F*cker was and instead went with "that is a very bad thing to say about someone. I don't want you to ever repeat that word, OK son? I'm sorry someone wrote that about your friend. That was a terrible thing to do."

2. My lovely 7yo daughter informed me today that all of the boys in second grade had decided that they were "Gangsters" and they spend recess fighting each other. The teachers have been told and threats have been made. But my 7yo is upset because apparently these fights are getting very violent and some of the boys are being harmed and there is lots of talk along the lines of "We are gangsters and you better not mess with us! We'll kill you!"

3. My sweet 5yo is becoming completely neurotic because she keeps getting extra homework. She's in speech therapy 3 days a week and keeps missing important parts of class. She's becoming obsessed with what she is missing and is certain she's going to fail Kindergarten because she's getting behind. There seems to be some sort of disapproval from her teacher or something that is worrying her - she feels like she's being "punished" for going to speech. As far as I can tell she's doing well, but she's extremely anxious about going to speech now. Do I pull her or leave her in? I have no idea what the right thing to do is....

4. Thank you public school - all 3 of my elementary age kids have already [4.5 weeks into the school year], spent SIGNIFICANT time watching television. SOME of this TV has actually been educational - "The Magic School Bus" and such. But much of it has been just junk - stuff I wouldn't even let them watch at home. When I ask "Why are you watching TV at school?" I am told "The teacher was busy and needed to get some work done." or "The teacher had to do Dibbles testing so we watched TV all afternoon while she did it." Great.

Our Tax Dollars at work.

5. Speaking of dollars - we've already, in 4.5 weeks, been subject to THREE fundraisers between the elementary school and the middle school. Yes sir-ee, THREE. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. *sigh*

6. Thank you public school PE coaches for totally ruining physical exercise for my children. I spent 5 years of homeschooling them, teaching them that exercise is fun and worth doing. When I brought them to you last year, I had kids who LOVED to run, loved the challenge of physical exercise, and would do crunches and push ups for fun.

In less than a year you've convinced them that anything other than lying on the couch with a Wii remote in hand is torture and to be avoided at all costs. Did you really NEED to make them run till they puked? You couldn't come up with an interesting game that would have kept them running AND having fun? What exactly did they teach you in college?

And seriously, 6th grade PE coaches - do you NEED to tell the 6th grade girls that if they can't run a 5 minute mile they are doomed to be fat and unhealthy and die an early death? Cause, you know, 6th grade girls don't have enough body image worries as it is... yeah, thanks a bunch for that one.

I applaud your success in creating yet another generation of exercise-phobic couch potatoes. OH - and women with eating disorders, let's not forget that. Bravo.

*sigh*

I had one of those "I should pull them all out and homeschool them" moments today. And then that tiny shrill voice in the back of my head [you know, the voice of my last shred of sanity] shrieked "Are you nuts?!! What, you don't have enough on your plate?!!!"

In an alternate universe I'm still homeschooling these children and they are doing great. Everybody loves to run and nobody says the "F" word or even knows what a "gangster" is.

But here, in my universe, I know that I can't do that - not here in a place where I have no friends close by, no homeschool contacts, no homeschool groups to join and no homeschool resources to use... and how the heck would I even buy curriculum? It is not even possible. It just isn't.

So, I'm taking a deep breath and praying a lot. I'm working hard at home on their faith formation and their morality - and I pray that I can counteract whatever damage may be done.

God brought me here and I have to Trust Him to get us where He wants us to go.

God bless you!

Update on Monkey6 - The Decision Is Made

2010-09-07T11:41:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all of you who gave me advice and input last week when I was trying to decide what to do with Monkey6 - my 2yo.

The decision is made: I have taken her out of preschool.

I am definitely "ambivalent" about it. I believe it is the best thing for her [and I was seeing other personality changes in her besides just crying at preschool - she has become very fearful of ALL other adults and of any new situation. Which is sad because she was always so fearless before].

I have re-set my goals and my goal now is to finish rewriting one chapter per day, and hopefully 4 chapters on the days that my dad watches her. This is going to set me back by months and that means it will be that much longer before I can seek out a publisher and that much longer before I can even hope for a book deal.

I have been recently given the possibility of getting my old job back - teaching childbirth at the hospital where I taught for 10 years prior to 2009. I have applied for it but won't know for sure I've got it for a while - maybe a few weeks even. This job would help us financially [and it would help me psychologically - to be working & earning guaranteed income again would mean a LOT to me]. I LOVED teaching childbirth, so it is something I would enjoy. Childcare may be an issue though - I am going to trust that if God puts this job before me that He will also provide a way for me to get my children cared for while I work. We will see how it all works out.

Monkey6 is settled at home - she seems to like it. She misses her sister [my 3yo] a lot, but she's adjusting to it just being she and I. She's enjoying being an "only child" for a while. [I'm enjoying it too. :) ]

More news on Monkey6 - last week at her 2yo check up, she had extremely low iron. The doctor wanted to do more testing, so we went through harrowing IV blood draw [from her teeny little arm]. On Thursday the nurse called me to say all the test results were back and she was fine, she "just had low iron". Then Friday at 6pm the Pediatrician called to tell me that she actually has a genetic blood disorder called "Thalassemia". The doc said she does not have the most severe kind [which is usually fatal by 20-30 years of age], but that she has a case that is serious enough that any significant blood loss could be dangerous for her. The doctor said she may need transfusions during her periods when she is older and that childbirth could be extremely dangerous for her.

Aside from the obvious panic, I am also a bit skeptical. This diagnosis does not make any sense to me at all. We have NO family history on either side of this disease [and from what I understand, this is the kind of thing that you would know about if a family carried it]. We also are not of Mediterranean, Asian, or African descent. Monkey6's father has some Italian blood, but he is of pervasively German ancestry. I am an English/German/Irish mutt with a teeny bit of French thrown in.

In addition, this also should have shown up on her newborn screen [commonly called "PKU" test, but this is one of the things it specifically tests for] and I was told at the time she was a newborn that her tests were all fine.

So, I am not convinced that Monkey6 actually HAS this disease - at all.

But, regardless, SOMETHING is causing her to have severely low iron, so if you would not mind praying for her, and for my wisdom in seeking answers, I would appreciate it.

I'll update when I have a more satisfying answer about the medical issue.

God Bless you!

Decisions Decisions Decisions

2010-08-31T18:15:00.000-07:00

ARGH! I have a "situation" I don't know what to do about.

I wrote earlier about my youngest child and her separation anxiety and my concern over how she wasn't adjusting to preschool.

Well, her teacher said she was doing better and making progress and was only crying for a couple of minutes each day when I left her. When I ask her if she likes school she says "YES!". In the mornings she WANTS to go to school, marches happily to the door, goes with me to drop off her big sister, walks to her class room and then freaks out the moment we walk into the door of her classroom because she knows I'm going to leave.

But I thought it was getting better ....

Yesterday was her birthday, so I dropped her off at preschool at 9am and went and bought some cupcakes for her class to celebrate her birthday. I got back to the school at 10:30am and I went to take the cupcakes to her classroom and saw that her class was outside on the playground. But I couldn't see Monkey6 - Then I saw her in the corner of the playground. Her teacher was holding her and she was bawling - I mean hysterical sobs bawling. My 3yo [who has playground time at the same time as the 2yo] was over there next to the teacher patting her little sister's back and trying to comfort her. [so sweet!]

I watched for a while from the window, concealed from the kids outside, thinking she must have fallen or something, to see if she calmed down. She didn't.

I went out onto the playground and one of the other teachers saw me and was concerned and said "Is something wrong? did something happen?" and I said "NO, I just saw my baby crying and I wanted to check on her" and the teacher said "Oh, she does that every day." and another teacher next to her said "Yep. Every day." I said "She cries hysterically like that every day?" and the one teacher said "Yes, every single day. Her teacher just holds her and she cries the whole time."

So, I walked across the playground to the teacher and she said "Oh, she's just upset. She hasn't been crying long, she just saw you and started crying." [The teacher did not know I had been watching from inside for some time]. I asked "Does she do this every day?" and her teacher said "Oh no, not at all. She just gets upset and cries now and then." Another teacher near by said "Yeah, she usually plays with the other kids and has fun. She's been doing a lot better. She's just upset today."

Meanwhile, Monkey6 practically jumped into my arms, radiating joy and laughing through her tears she was so excited to see me.

So, I just took her home with me and as I was leaving the playground another teacher [different from the others] said "Yeah, she does that every day. Poor thing."

I was kind of upset - I had no idea she had been crying like that. I think the teacher thinks she is helping me by making me feel better about it, because she knows our situation and knows I needed Monkey6 to like preschool. But I don't like not knowing what is really going on.

So, I decided to take her out of preschool and just keep her home with me. When I went in to tell the teacher and the director of the preschool today, the teacher actually teared up. She was visibly sad to lose Monkey6 and obviously attached to her [and Monkey6 loves her teacher - this teacher has carried her around almost non-stop at preschool for a month now]. The teacher said she felt like Monkey6 was really making progress and that she was getting better. She said she was playing with the other kids a lot more and having fun most of the time. The director echoed that statement - that Monkey6 had been doing much better the last couple of weeks and seemed to improve every day. [At this point I'm totally unclear on what the real story is - is she crying a few minutes now and then but mostly having fun or is she crying most of the time she's there?]

Then when we got home, Monkey6 [who is used to having 5 kids around to play with and who has never been with "only" me for any extended time period] was crying and following me around while I tried to clean and do laundry. I played with her and read her some books, but I simply *can't* sit and be her playmate all day long - I have other stuff I really do have to get done. So she was bored to tears half the day and fussy about the whole thing. She kept asking about my 3yo [who has ALWAYS been with her - they are inseparable] and just seemed kind of miserable at home.

She had her 2yo check up today and I talked to her Pediatrician about it and the Pediatrician recommended pulling her out of preschool. She felt that if Monkey6 was *going* to adjust, she would have by now.

And I agree with that. On the other hand, I also think she's going to be bored at home.

And there are other disadvantages - with her home, my writing will basically cease - it will drop down to barely happening at all. I have gotten SO much done with her in preschool just 4 days a week. And now that will stop. I'll be lucky to get anything done, and I'll only be able to work during her afternoon nap, which isn't a long one.

I do think it is going to affect us negatively on the financial front, and that's hard - I finally felt like I was making headway towards getting us out of this hell hole we live in and like I was working towards getting us to a better situation all the way around. [Even if the fiction book I've already finished doesn't sell, I am planning a childbirth book that I DO think would sell and do well].

And there is also the matter of my own mental health - until I had her home all day today, I hadn't realized how *precious* that time "off" from 24/7 solo childcare was to me - how important it was to my psyche to have that time to work and be productive with my writing without someone constantly needing me.

The bare naked truth is that I kinda NEED that break. I am burned out like you would not even believe and getting a break to work on writing was really helping to recharge my tank. It was also helping me with just keeping our household running - getting the whole place decluttered and keeping on top of housecleaning well.... MUCH easier to do without the little ones here.

So, I'm really torn. On the one hand, it is clear she's not ready. And I don't want her to be in that situation. She has SERIOUS abandonment issues, and I know exactly why - who wouldn't in her situation?

On the other hand, I think SHE would have more fun at preschool if she could just adjust to me leaving her there and I would be a better parent if I had a handful of hours off each week to work on earning a living. Seriously.

It is such a catch 22 - I feel miserably undecided. I feel like there isn't a good answer at all. I'm definitely leaning towards keeping her home, but I don't feel any peace either way.

I'm very interested in opinions if you want to share any thoughts.

God Bless you.

...

The Baby is TWO!!!!!

2010-08-31T14:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was Monkey6's second birthday! I still can't believe the "baby" of the family is two years old already!!!!

She had a great day [except for the preschool part].

It started with her birthday breakfast - complete with Birthday Bacon!!!!

She went to preschool at 9am and then at 10:30 I went to take cupcakes for her class. I found her crying hysterically on the playground with her teacher holding her. She had been crying all morning and some of the other teachers told me that she did that "every single day". [I had been told she only cried for a "couple of minutes" and then was happy, so I was surprised to learn this.]

So, I took her home with me.

My parents came and took her to Toys-R-Us and let her spend a fortune on whatever she wanted [including chocolate, as you can see from her face in the pic below ;) ]. Here is Monkey6 with all her loot her Grandparents bought her:

After the other kids got home from school she got to open her other presents.

For dinner she had Zaxby's chicken fingers and french fries. After dinner she got to have her birthday cake:

Thank You God for Monkey6!!!! :) :)

Uber Children Strike Again

2010-08-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

My children are so smart they scare me sometimes.

I just sat down at my computer to write and found a story my oldest child is working on. She has written it in English [and it is good] and then translated it into German. Just for fun - because she can.

Yesterday she entertained and enlightened me with a lengthy dissertation on the different Ptolmeys that ruled ancient civilizations and who placed them in power and how they ended...

[Lest you think she learned any of that from me - be certain that I barely remembered the name "Ptolemy" from my BA in History - much less how many there were and who put them where].

Nothing surprises me any more. I'm convinced she knows everything. ;)

I'm just glad she's harnessing all this brain power for GOOD because she'd make a hell of an Evil Genius. I sure wouldn't want to have to thwart her plans for World Domination. ;)

Then there's the youngest one. She decided she wanted some cereal while I was giving her sisters a bath. She couldn't reach the bowls [in a high cabinet], but she didn't let that stop her. She pulled a chair over to the counter, climbed up on the counter, got out the *coffee filters* opened the box of Life cereal, and poured herself a big "bowl" full.

Now THAT is Improvising, Adapting, and Overcoming!!!!

...

PRAY!!!!

2010-08-29T11:24:00.000-07:00

Another laugh from my amusing children:

I was driving along, minding my own business, and all of a sudden I hear Monkey4, the 5yo, SCREAM from the back of the van "PRAY!! MOMMMY PRAY!!!"

I start looking around, kinda freaked out, wondering what she sees that I don't - is there a meteor heading for Earth? [I looked up and didn't see one]. Is there a renegade rhino charging across the field to intercept our van? [I checked the field - just some sleepy cows]. Has she seen the Archangel Gabriel in the Heavens blowing the trumpet that signals the second coming? [The only Gabriel I see is my son in the back seat. ]

She continues to yell "Pray!!!!" and I say "WHY are you screaming at me to pray? What do you see that I am missing?!"

And she says "Mommy, its a grave yard!"

And I look out the window and sure enough, far off in the horizon, there is a tiny, ancient family burial ground that I never would have seen in a million years.

I had to laugh.

It is our practice as a family to pray for the dead whenever we pass a Cemetery [which, for a while my 7yo was calling a "Purgatory" - being confused about her words, but understanding Church doctrine ;) ].

And since my dear friend Cyndi passed away, we pray especially for her [along with the other dead people] whenever we pass one.

My children have become VERY vigilant since Cyndi's death - they NEVER miss a chance to pray for their God Mother. We will not pass a single solitary grave without praying, I promise you [none that are marked anyway!]!

For which I am grateful - what a lovely thing for them to pay attention to.

But we did have to have a talk about how to alert Mommy to the need to pray *without* almost causing her to have a wreck because you scared her so badly.... ;)

"May the souls of the faithful departed, through the Mercy of God, rest in peace, especially Cyndi. Amen."

And Thank you God for my sweet, prayerful little Monkey4! What a precious girl she is!

God Bless you!

A Little Mantilla Rant...

2010-08-28T20:03:00.000-07:00

I have a little pet peeve here. This post will only concern Catholic readers most likely, so my other friends and blog friends be warned.

It is coming back into vogue for Catholic women [usually of the very devout bent, of which I am one], to cover their heads when in Mass, as they did for 2,000 years before Vatican II.

Now, lest you think this post is about me disagreeing with this practice - it is not. I believe that covering the head to go into Holy Mass and the presence of Almighty God is an excellent practice. Anything that helps us step out of our secular lives and *recognize* that we are in the presence of the Divine is wonderful IMO. And head covering does this. It also shows respect and love for God, which I also love.

I wish that more women did it.

No, this rant is about Mantillas specifically. You see, Mantillas have become the "retro head covering" of choice among head covering Catholic Women in Mass.

It drives me bonkers actually. I have tried covering with a mantilla, and it is one of the most annoying things I've ever tried to do - it is slippery lace that won't stay on your head. For me at least, it meant that I spent most of Mass fussing with the stupid thing to keep it from falling off.

For my daughters, it is even worse - to the point that it became an occasion of sin [goofing with the stupid mantilla instead of worshiping God] and I took them all away and refused to let the poor little wenches cover in Mass. [Heartless I am. LOL!]

But I just don't get it.

First, I think they look stupid. It just looks like someone took a piece of spare lace and laid it over their head.

Second, I don't think Mantillas even fulfill the purpose of head covering. According to my very devout and orthodox Priest, the reason women are called to veil their heads is that they are veiling the hair and in effect, veiling their beauty, so as not to distract from the beauty of Christ and the beauty of the Sacred and Divine there in the Sanctuary.

A mantilla does NOT cover the hair or conceal it in any way - it is "see through" lace. It doesn't veil anything - if anything, one could say it is a way of "enhancing" the beauty of the hair because instead of veiling the hair, one is "dressing it up" in a see through lace party dress. :) [I'm thinking this is the difference between a burqa and a negligee personally....]

If we are covering our heads out of modesty... well, lace doesn't really do it does it? [And in NO WAY am I advocating for Burqas for Christian women, just trying to point out the irony of using lace to cover something up that isn't supposed to be seen.]

Third, it gets even worse with younger girls when I see some of them with the equivalent of a small lace doily on the very top of their heads - it just looks too silly to take seriously. It looks like great-grandma pinned one of her lace tea coasters to the kids' head.

I don't know - it just doesn't seem like this lace mantilla thing has been well thought out.

In my case, I have just decided not to cover at all. I feel stupid in a mantilla and I feel conspicuous if I veil with anything else. We are fortunate at our Church that a fair number of women and girls veil, but they ALL use mantillas and anything else seems to "stick out like a sore thumb" - which, in my opinion, *detracts* and *distracts* from the Mass - which is the whole thing I'm supposed to be avoiding.

Devorah, however, has some really cool head coverings that actually cover the hair and also tie into place [instead of that free floating lace mantilla that you have to try to pin to your head with hair pins. It doesn't work very well]. I think I may buy a couple of hers and see if I can't start a revolution in our little Church. Wish me luck. :)

One final reason I don't like mantillas is that sometimes they can be used as a tool of "judgment" - I have seen a few women who veil look down upon those who don't in a very self satisfied way - definitely in a "I am MUCH holier than you because you don't cover your head" kind of way. And I think that is a terrible shame and a road block in their own personal spiritual growth. But, of course, that is no reason not to practice something that is otherwise a good and wholesome thing to do. [And to be fair to Mantillas, this could be a problem no matter what the woman chose to cover with.]

We need to guard our thoughts so that we don't condemn our fellow worshipers as somehow "less" than ourselves because they don't have a doily on their head.

I'm just saying... :)

God Bless you!

Quote of the Day:

2010-08-28T15:05:00.001-07:00

We got to have lunch with my former college roommate and her family at Chic-Fil-A today and it was awesome! It was so great to get to see my friend and her husband and catch up with her and meet her kids, who are wonderful.

After we got home, my 7yo told me about some "playground drama" that was going on while we were there that I didn't know about.

While the adults were talking, the kids were playing on the CFA playground.

At one point my 7yo was waiting her turn to go down the slide - she was waiting for her little 1yo sister to finish her turn and get out of the way.

Another little girl climbed up behind my 7yo and kicked her in the back and said "GO!".

My daughter said "No, my baby sister is down there and I am waiting for her to get off the slide so I don't hurt her!"

The other little girl said "I don't care! Go!" and kicked my 7yo in the FACE.

My 7yo held her ground and physically prevented the other girl from going down the slide on top of her 1yo sister.

I was very proud of my 7yo - LOVE that courage! I gave her the high five and big hug for being brave and protecting her little sister.

But I just about busted a gut laughing a couple of minutes later when I heard her in the next room talking to her brother.

My 7yo said, with disgust, "Yeah, she is one of those kids who has parents who always say yes to her about everything!"

ROFL! YEAH!!!!

Word Gets Around In This House....

2010-08-25T16:37:00.000-07:00

Like a surreal game of "Telephone"!

Tonight I was studying Greek and Latin roots with my oldest child, the 11yo, who has a test on them tomorrow in school.

We were studying the word "circumcise" which is comprised of two roots: "circum" meaning "around" and "cise" meaning "cut".

I was trying to explain what circumcision actually means and my daughter was absolutely horrified.

Her response was "WHAT?! What do you mean they cut off part of the baby's penis?! Who would do something like that?!"

I launched into a history of the religious and social reasons why some people circumcise.

In the midst of this conversation my 9yo son walks in the room. He is not circumcised and he asked "Then don't I need to be circumcised if it is God's Covenant?"

So, I went on to explain how Jesus changed the rules and because of Him, circumcision doesn't matter any more - the New Testament tells us that it is only "circumcision of the heart" that matters - that we believe in and love God and our neighbor.

To which my son replies: "So... was Jesus circumcised?" and I said "Yes, but because He died to save us all, men don't have to be circumcised any more."

Which seemed to satisfy everyone. My son left the room and my oldest daughter and I went back to studying Latin and Greek roots.

3 minutes later my 5 year old runs frantically in the room, all upset and yells "Mom! Is it really true that Jesus had His penis cut off?!!"

ROFL.

Quote of the Day:

2010-08-25T13:35:00.000-07:00

A certain child, who has requested to remain anonymous, said this to me:

"I'm sorry, but when you called me awhile ago, I couldn't come because I was in the middle of making food for the dung beetles."

[It took me a minute to figure out what that meant too LOL!]

I Finished My Book!

2010-08-24T08:27:00.001-07:00

I finished my juvenile fiction novel yesterday! The whole thing.

I have written an actual BOOK. I am stunned. How did I manage that? LOL!

Now I begin my first re-write and revisions [the first of many I am certain], but gosh y'all - I WROTE A BOOK!!!!

:D :D

"Celibacy" is Not a Dirty Word

2010-08-22T14:40:00.000-07:00

We live in a world that believes Celibacy is impossible.

Just look around if you don't believe me [I bet you didn't have to look did you?].

When my husband first abandoned me, Celibacy was a HUGE concern in my mind. I didn't see how on Earth I'd accomplish living a Celibate life. I was never one of those folks who lost interest in the, um, "marital union", shall we say. I never got "bored" with my husband [or with monogamy].

The idea of living a Celibate life was scary.

But I know that Celibacy is exactly what God is calling me to, and I Submit.

When my husband left, I knew *immediately* that I would never, ever expose my children to some string of "boyfriends" and "lovers" like so many single parents seem to do. You only have to look around at our broken society to see why I feel that way - children are frequently abused by their biological parent's boy/girl friends. My kids have suffered more than enough and I will never put them in a situation where they are at risk.

It took me another year after he left to realize that "Remarriage" was also a bad idea. IF my Annulment comes through [and there is no reason, at all, to think that it won't - there are at least 8 different grounds that make my marriage invalid], I can certainly remarry with the blessings of my Church.

But is that wise? I did a lot of reading about step families a few months back, and I think the answer is NO. It is not wise. At All.

Remarriages that involve existing children have an astronomical rate of unhappiness - and generally the children suffer. Step parents in general do NOT love their step children like they love their own children [ no matter how much we want to believe in the Brady Bunch, it is extremely rare to see a remarriage come together like that - you'd be more likely to hit the Big Game lotto.].

Remarriages with children have an extremely high divorce rate too [I've seen some estimates as high as 90%].

The best one can *realistically* expect from a step parent is that they won't abuse your kids. The step parent may turn out to be decent to the kids. [Odds are against this however, single parents should not kid themselves]. Certainly there are step parents who genuinely love their step children and who are wonderful to the step children - but they are NOT the norm.

There also appears to be a good deal of "pretending" going on in single parent courtships too from what I gather from my reading - potential partners "pretending" to just love those cute little children until after the wedding - when suddenly they feel comfortable enough to voice their true feelings. So even if I found a guy who seemed perfect, I wouldn't really KNOW if he was until after I'd taken that unbreakable Vow, would I?

And even if I did "luck out" and happen to get that Knight In Shining Armor who is a Paragon of Christian Love and Decency and he doesn't harm my children - is it really in my children's best interest to have him around, even then?

I kinda have to say No. I had a very brief period where I spoke with a Catholic Gentleman who was very interested in dating me seriously and we went out on one date. What I found in that time period was that a lot of my energy went towards that relationship - my thoughts, my time, my energy, etc were invested in him. All of that SHOULD have been invested in my children.

My thoughts and my time belong with my children right now. My children have been through a very traumatic experience. My children only have one real parent. My children NEED me - it is not in their best interest that I invest my time and energy in dating Some Guy. My children need everything I have to give and it isn't fair to them for me to squander myself on some stranger who most likely won't ever be a member of our family - and who is most likely to be a negative force in their lives if he DOES become a member of our family.

I am firmly convicted at this time that God is NOT calling me to remarriage. This may change as my children get older and need less from me, I don't know. But at this point in my life, I am prepared and willing to remain single because my Vocation of Motherhood is DEFINITELY where God is calling me - THAT is where my energy belongs.

So, remarriage is out for me. God and I will prayerfully review this every 6 months [we have a standing date] and I trust that HE will make it clear to me if this ever changes. I don't have to worry about it - I am focused on the things He has set before me, nothing else.

And it goes without saying that if I am remaining single, I have to be a *shining example* of Purity if I want my children to believe what I have taught them - that sex is good [AWESOME!] in marriage but that sex outside of marriage leads to pain & misery.

Fornication is just unwise, for a million reasons - not the least of which is because God specifically and clearly says "Hey, don't do that Crap". The older I get, the more I realize just how amazingly BRILLIANT our God is. He is WAY smarter than you, me, or any of those liberated intellectuals out there who are arguing with Him.

I have learned [absolutely the hard way] that when I stray from what God tells me to do, it goes badly. 100% of the time.

It only took me about 38 years of being a Head Strong Idiot to finally put the pieces together and have that light bulb moment, but there you go. :)

This is a lesson that I want to teach my children - I don't want them to have to learn this the long, hard, insanely painful way like I did.

So, remarriage and fornication are out as far as I'm concerned and that leaves.... Celibacy.

Our culture clearly believes that Celibacy is impossible. Our sex drives are too powerful, we are too weak to say no to our most base desires, and we should not even be expected to resist our animal instincts.

Our Catholic Priests and Religious face this prejudice as well - people simply don't believe it is *possible* that they could be celibate. Many people who even call themselves Catholic believe that priestly celibacy is wrong, or at the very least impossible for normal men.

Personally, I have been surprised by the actual Reality.

Celibacy IS very possible. It CAN be done. You don't shrivel up and die and your private parts don't even turn blue.

Who knew?

But I believe it takes a strong faith in God to manage it. [Thus why most Westerners can't even contemplate it].

God has granted me incredible Grace in this matter. I said to Him "God, you know I'm lonely and you know I miss having a partner, but I am open to your Will. WHATEVER it is." [I was scared to say that, by the way].

And God, gentle and loving as He always is, took my feeble "fiat" and piled Grace upon Grace on my head.

He gave me the answer I feared [that I should remain Celibate and unmarried] but then He turned around and gave me the Grace to accomplish His Will - without much effort of my own.

Here are the things I found that have helped me keep this vow of Celibacy that I have made:

1. Guard your eyes. We live in a society that is so saturated with Sex that you almost can't avoid it. I stopped watching TV shows that caused my mind to stray to inappropriate places. [I was already pretty strict about what I watched, but I had to get even tougher. I needed to omit shows that were not overtly sexual but which portrayed things that were sometimes not appropriate. I'm contemplating ditching TV altogether]. When I stopped allowing myself to watch or read anything like this, celibacy became a LOT easier.

2. Keep Busy. This one I have covered. LOL! But it does help. That old adage about Idle hands being the Devil's playground is not wrong.

3. Don't Tell Yourself Lies. This probably sounds crazy, but people OFTEN tell themselves "Oh, we'll just be friends" or "Oh, nothing will happen" and they believe themselves and put themselves in tempting situations. I think they actually believe their own lies until they end up in bed with someone they shouldn't be.

4. Use Common Sense. This goes hand in hand with the thing above - but don't put yourself in situations that could become an occasion of Sin for you - just don't do it. Your life will be a lot easier.

5. Pray. Ask God to help you. He will. This should actually be Number 1.

These are the suggestions I have for anyone who is struggling with this issue. These are the things that have helped me. I'm sure there are many other great ideas out there, but this is what works for me.

Sex makes people do stupid things.

Sex makes people stay with lovers who are HORRIBLE for them - lovers that they wouldn't think twice about walking away from if they weren't sexually entangled.

I think Sex disengages our brains actually. We get so involved with Sex that we can't think straight.

When we have a sexual relationship, we spend SO much time and energy on that relationship [even if it isn't a GOOD relationship]. That time and energy could be spent on so many more beneficial things. Like scoping out the potential partner's actual character and whether or not we should stay with them....or finding a cure for cancer. Stuff like that.

My kids can't afford for me to make any more bad choices in our life. [That "picking a husband" bad choice I made was a hum dinger]. I can't afford it either.

So, personally, I'm keeping my brain fully engaged and avoiding the alternatives.

;)

God Bless You!

The Boy Turned NINE!

2010-08-21T07:56:00.000-07:00

I'm still in shock, but my baby boy turned NINE last weekend!

He had a great day. His Nana sent him a birthday chocolate chip pound cake from "Breadwinners" and he opted to have that for his birthday breakfast [good choice! YUM!]. Nana also sent him money that he gets to spend - always his favorite thing. LOL!

He got to open his presents from me and his sisters:

We went to my parents' house for a little party where we had lunch and cake and he got to open presents.

Then his Granny took him shopping and spent a fortune on him. He had SUCH a great time picking out presents. Here is a picture of him with his Granny and some of the loot she bought him:

He chose McDonald's as his special birthday dinner [LOL! The ONE day a year he can pick any restaurant and I'll actually buy it for him and he picks McD's! But it made him happy, and that is all that mattered!]

I'm so proud of my son!

He is a very smart boy and is doing great in school. He is starting to get really "into" reading. He is kind hearted and loves to take care of his little sisters - he's a great brother. He is an excellent friend and he is the kind of kid that everyone likes, he gets along with all kinds of people. His teachers love him... he's pretty much loved everywhere he goes.

His favorite things at this time in his life are Bionicles, Wii and DS games, playing on the computer, Bakugan, Pokemon, and Ben 10.

I can't believe how big he has gotten or what a great kid he is.

Happy Birthday Monkey2!!! I love you SO much!!!!

School Daze

2010-08-20T16:58:00.000-07:00

This photo is from the first day of Preschool. Aren't they adorable?!!!

August has been the month of starting back to school for our family.

My two little girls, Monkey5, who is 3yo, and Monkey6, who will be 2yo in a few days, started preschool for the first time.

It was an emotional thing. I would normally have waited a year to start Monkey6 - she's really young. But I'm trying to find some way to generate SOME sort of income to get us out of this hell hole we live in.

So, both little girls are going to preschool at a local Church. They go four days a week for 5 hours. My parents are being extremely kind to help me pay for it, otherwise it wouldn't even be possible.

The first week was awful.

The 3yo, who had been BEGGING to go to school since last year - since the first day her siblings all disappeared on that big yellow school bus - decided that she wanted to go to school, but she wanted me to stay there with her. Forever. It took about a week to get her comfortable enough to stay. Now, 3 weeks later, she LOVES it - she's doing beautifully. And it has been really good for her - it is really helping her with her shyness.

I expected my 3yo to have a bit of trouble at first - she has a very intense demeanor inherently and she has had severe [and I mean SEVERE] separation and abandonment issues since her father left. Over all, she had done amazingly well and it is a wonderful experience for her.

The "Baby" - the almost 2yo - is another story altogether. I did not expect her to have trouble - she's my "brave" kid - one of those fearless types who you worry will kill themselves by accident just because they have NO FEAR at all. I expected her to run right in to preschool and never look back, like my older 4 all did [no tears with those kids about going to preschool AT ALL!].

However, I underestimated the impact a parent abandoning a kid has.

My fearless Baby turned into a screaming, crying, sniveling snotball of sadness and desperation when she realized I would be leaving her at preschool.

It did not go well. For the first week I went with her and we stayed for a while and then left together. The second week I tried leaving her and then me leaving but coming back a little later to help her realize that I WAS, in fact, coming back for her. Nothing helped.

She screamed, cried, and freaked the moment we got to the door. Finally the second week the teacher suggested I leave her and just let her cry so she could get used to it.

Now, those of you who know me know I have NEVER "just let her cry" - or any of my children for that matter. I have always used "Attachment Parenting" with my children and this goes against everything I believe in as a parent.

But I had a very hard choice. I am trying to make a career out of writing, so that I can work from home and be here to take care of my children. It is "all me" - I have to find some job that I can do where I can be 100% parent and also make enough money to hopefully get us above poverty level at some point.

If I withdrew her from school and brought her home, I put off the possibility of earning any income for another year. I can't write to any real extent while I care for my child. I also can't go get a job waiting tables, which is what I plan to do if things get too desperate.

I felt like I had to weigh HER wellbeing in this aspect of clearly not being ready for preschool against the wellbeing of the entire family [herself included] - it isn't good for any of us to live the way we live right now.

So, I tried it the teacher's way. The Baby cried for 25 minutes while I sat just outside the door crying myself. Her teacher held her and she wailed. Then she stopped. I peeked in and she was interested in the book the teacher was reading. I left, hoping that we had finally conquered this mountain.

Not so much. She cried the next day too - but only for 5 minutes while her teacher held her. The next day she only cried for 2 minutes. The day after that only for 1 minute.

This past week was the third full week. Two days this week she ran to her teacher happily and did not cry. Two days this week she still cried for a minute or so. [I always wait around the corner till she stops].

I don't know if I have done the right thing. It makes me so angry that I am in this position - I would have kept her home for one more year under different circumstances.

But I will say that in the last 2 weeks I have been amazingly productive with writing. I am very close to *finishing* the first draft of the juvenile fiction book I've been writing for the last 8 months. I got more done in these last 2 weeks than I got done in 7 months prior working every spare moment.

I don't know if I'll be able to sell this book or not. But the next book I'm planning is a book on childbirth - and I do believe I'll be able to sell that one. And the parenting book I plan to write after that.

So, I have hope that I may be able to make a successful career out of writing - it is going very well.

I hope that this trade off with putting The Baby in preschool a year early when she's not really ready will be worth it - to all of us - in the end. I hope it is going to lead to a career that can support our family while allowing me to also care for the children by myself.

In other news - My older 4 children started back to public school two weeks ago. It is going AMAZINGLY well for them.

Monkey1, who will soon be 12 [which I am still stunned to realize!], started Middle School this year. I was worried for her [I remember starting Middle School as being pretty much a nightmare myself], but it has gone SO incredibly well! She's adjusted like a dream. All of her academic classes are Gifted Classes, which is good for her. They also put her in an "advanced" PE class for athletes and she's doing well in that as well. I really couldn't be happier about how she is doing.

Monkey2, 9yo, Monkey3, 7yo, and Monkey4, 5yo, all went back to the same elementary school where they went last year. They are all doing very well too - great academically and socially. All 3 are bringing home excellent grades already and are doing great.

So, all in all, 5 out of 6 children are doing well in school. Miss Baby is adjusting - every morning she says she wants to go to school, she just cries when I leave. I think she has fun there - she seems to. She just doesn't want to be away from her mom, which I can understand. I hope it will get better for her soon.

And now, I just have some random funny pictures to share, totally unrelated. LOL!

Here is The Baby wearing some of those freaky fake teeth that the kids got for Halloween last year. She found them in the toy box and inserted them herself. Ain't she purty? ;)

Here's my son in the same teeth. Doesn't he look like he's at the top of his class to you? LOL!

And remember those tiny little Christmas Puppies? Well, check them out now:

Pigtail cuteness is rampant around here:

Monkey4 LOVES to dance:

She also did Cheer Camp this summer:

Monkey1 and her Side Kick:

Here is my sweaty little Monkey5 trying to sleep in the heat [our AC died in June and we live in Georgia... it has been HOT!!!!]

Quotes of the Day:

2010-08-08T20:04:00.001-07:00

On the way to Church this morning, I hear The Boy say from the backseat:

"I'm going to need a weapon with a longer range for this".

I thought it best not to ask... LOL!

And before we left for Mass this morning, Monkey1 says to the younger kids: "Does anyone have to go to the bathroom before we leave? Go now or forever hold your Pee."

World War III

2010-08-07T20:07:00.000-07:00

I have renamed my children.

My 11yo is now "The USA"; she keeps telling the rest of the world what to do.

My 8yo & 7yo are "Israel" & "Palestine", respectively.

Then we have "South Korea" [5yo] & "North Korea" [3yo]. North Korea has the Nukes & she's not afraid to use them.

And then we have little "Iran", 1yo, who just goes around randomly threatening to bomb Infidels world wide [w/ great follow through].

I've decided that I am the British Empire in decline. I'm here trying to rule this world and keep these Heathen Nations under control, and it just isn't working any more.

The Doggone Colonials keep acting out.

Yeah, school needs to start back soon or I'm seriously going to consider a blanket "Scorched Earth Policy" just to stop the Fighting.

Tea, anyone?

Why I Love Paula Deen

2010-07-19T20:14:00.000-07:00

Paula Deen is one of my heroes. That might sound a little weird coming from me, but it is true.

I have to put in a little disclaimer here - I read an article that said that in her recent biography, Paula Deen admitted to a 10 year long affair with a married man. THAT I can't admire or support - it is completely foul. So, make no mistake, that isn't why I admire her, and it was a real blow to me when I read that because I liked her so well.

But, that said, I still respect Paula Deen so much in so many other ways.

I see a lot of criticism of Paula Deen online and people love to bash her it seems - from saying her accent is fake to taking delight in her being hit in the face with a ham, there is definitely a contingent out there that loves to Hate Paula.

But in many respects, Paula Deen is an excellent female role model.

When Paula Deen was 42 years old, she found herself divorced and living in poverty with her two sons. She was house bound by Agoraphobia and panic attacks and was really at "The Bottom".

At 42 she had nothing, and now she must be one of the wealthiest women in the world.

With her last $200, she started a food service business called "The Bag Lady" where she made bag lunches from home and had her boys deliver them to local businesses so the business people could buy them for lunch. From there she went on to start her own very successful restaurant and then to having her own show on Food Network - and the rest is, of course, history.

She is the quintessential success story in my opinion. Paula's story gives me hope, and I think it should give all women hope. If Paula can get to where she is now, we can ALL reach our own dreams and goals with hard work - just like she did.

And Paula gained her success without losing who she was - without losing sight of what is truly important [if you read any interview with her, she will tell you that her two sons were always her top priority and still are - she's obviously crazy about them]. Paula was and is, first and foremost, a mother.

I like Paula for other reasons too.

I like that she loves food and isn't ashamed to let the world know. Women in our society are absolutely neurotic about food [not our fault, really, look at this insane culture we live in!]. Then here comes Paula - rich and powerful and she is not the least bit afraid to tell you that a stick of butter will make just about anything better. You go Paula!

I like her work ethic too - by all accounts, Paula is a hard worker. One of my favorite quotes is from her: "Anything is possible if you are willing to work for it." And work for it she did. She embodies the good old fashioned "hard work pays off" ethic that is so missing in our "get rich quick" culture.

I also admire her *confidence*. Paula Deen is an uneducated woman from poor white trash roots. She would tell you that herself [she'll also say she's not very smart, but I disagree with that - maybe she's not book smart, but she's definitely crafty like a fox!] But the woman radiates confidence - exudes it. She took what she had and she worked like crazy and made the absolute most out of the cards that were dealt her - she OUGHT to be confident!

Another thing I like about Paula is that she is a big fat older woman who doesn't feel ashamed of herself - in fact, if you watch Paula for long, you will know that she thinks she's the absolute bees knees. She obviously thinks of herself as very sexy and desirable. In a world that tells women they are "over the hill" by the time they hit 30 and that they are "fat and ugly" if they aren't a size 4, it is refreshing to have a role model in her 60s who is FAT and HAPPY and not worried one bit about it. Paula feels *Beautiful* and she IS beautiful. It all sure seems to work for her - she appears to be happily remarried to a man who seems to cherish and adore her. Good for her.

The world could use more women like Paula Deen [OK, more women like her but who do NOT have affairs with married men].

Thank you Paula Deen.

The Power of Forgiveness

2010-07-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

On May 17, 2 days after I attended my best friend's funeral, I came to a very clear and startling revelation.

I realized that God was calling me to forgive my Ex husband. To forgive him, to stop hating him, to stop being so angry with him.

At the time, it seemed impossible. I whined at God "How can you ask me to do this Lord? This is impossible! My children and I have been wronged so completely, how can I forgive this? My Ex husband doesn't even feel bad about what he has done - he is not repentant. How can I forgive him? Please God, Please - ask anything besides this!"

And God said to me, quite clearly, "Kelly, until you forgive him and let go of your anger, you will never be free to be who I want you to be. You will never be able to become who I am calling you to become. Let it go. Trust in me."

And that night I said "OK God. I don't want to forgive him. He doesn't deserve forgiveness. But you are asking me to do this and I am saying to you that I want to do what you ask of me. I am saying Yes to You. But God, I don't know how to do this. I don't see how I can forgive him - I don't even know how to begin!"

And God said "That is enough - you are saying Yes to My Will and I will do the rest."

And I trusted God. [and thought to myself "Yeah, well, I love you God and I trust You, but good luck fixing my broken and hate filled heart."]

And God took that pathetic "yes" and He worked His miracles.

Somehow in the last 8 weeks, I have forgiven my husband. FORGIVEN HIM. I can't even believe it. My anger is gone. My hate is gone. The constant litany of rage at him in the back of my mind for what my children and I endure every day because of him [living in poverty, nightmares, extreme grief in the children, etc] has ended.

I don't know how God did it, but He did it. I am even able to pray for my Ex husband now. For the longest time I could not pray for him - I could not pray for him at all. I couldn't sincerely face my Lord and wish anything good for my Ex husband.

And now I can.

Now, my Ex did not make this easy. [Nothing comes easy in my life, does it?] He pulled some amazingly horrible things during this time period.

And I dealt with it all - without hate. Without rancor. I was willing to do whatever I had to do to protect my children - and I WILL protect them, always. But I have no spite for him.

I am still constantly picking up pieces - the things he has shattered and left broken in his wake. I am still constantly holding my children's broken hearts in my hand and trying to heal them. I am still under the gun 24/7 trying to keep our heads above water. But I am doing it without the hate.

It is what it is and I can only control my response to the situation. Finally I know this.

And God has taken me to a deeper place spiritually than I have ever been.

Forgiveness has set me free.

My children and I are walking a knife's edge of poverty right now - our situation seems impossible at the moment. Several things have happened [in addition to my Ex husband's lack of responsibility] which have made our situation very precarious.

Normally, I would be out of my mind with worry and fear at this point - because with my human mind, I can see no way through this.

But I have finally learned a lesson that God has been trying to teach me for so very long - HE will take care of us. He will lead us through this safely - and out the other side - as He has always done.

And I know this.

And I finally have Peace.

Quote of the Day:

2010-07-10T17:01:00.002-07:00

Monkey1, 11yo, says: "I wonder if the Death Star has good Buffalo Wings?"

[This was part of her monologue on why having Darth Vader for a father wouldn't be such a terrible thing... ]

Quote of the Day:

2010-06-28T15:11:00.001-07:00

At the grocery store today when certain children were misbehaving:

Monkey1 [11yo] said: "Mommy's getting ready to stamp some of y'all 'Return To Sender'."

Monkey3 [7yo] asked "What's that mean?"

Monkey1 said: "You know how God sends babies? Well, mom's about to send you back to God."

LOL!

Quote of the Day:

2010-06-26T09:16:00.001-07:00

My 3yo walked up to me and asked "Mommy, why do we live in a house that has cockroaches?".

I fumbled around trying to figure out how to answer [how do I condense that down into a 3yo sized explanation?].

My 11yo pipes up: "Because the cockroaches couldn't afford a better place to live either!"

ROFL!

[Just for the record - the cockroaches are much better these days, after all that quality time my exterminator puts in]

Small Sacrifices

2010-06-15T17:07:00.001-07:00

It was something like 98 degrees today with humidity through the roof.

My ancient van is having AC issues - one vent in the back [with the kids] is only working sometimes. So, today, we only had one AC vent in the back. It was probably 110 degrees inside the van when we first got started.

My 7 year old was sitting back there with her 5 year old sister and I hear them having a conversation.

The vent by the 5yo was not working and the 5yo was crying because she was hot and had no AC.

So my sweet, precious 7yo says "That's OK. Look, I'll turn my vent so it hits you."

And that's exactly what she did. She sweltered so her little sister could be cool.

That seems like a silly thing for me to proud of I guess, but man - THAT is love.

And THAT is exactly why I do what I do. If I can raise children that love others more than they love themselves - I've accomplished exactly what I wanted and nothing else matters. [Well, other than that they love God too of course!]

Kids like that can change the world.

My kids ROCK! ;)

Quote of the Day:

2010-06-15T12:49:00.000-07:00

Gabriel, 8yo son, says to me:

"Mom, note to self: boys at Football Camp really like to burp." [Yeah... and I paid money for this! LOL!]

Gabriel's First Holy Communion

2010-06-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

My son [Monkey2] had his First Holy Communion this week. We did it at a daily Mass on Wed June 9, 2010. Gabriel missed the FHC for the whole church [we were sick and I'd just had surgery], so Father made an exception and let him receive it at daily Mass.

It was a wonderful event! Gabriel was so excited - he had spent weeks preparing [well, years actually!] and was able to answer all of his Catechism questions.

Gabriel's God Father took him on a retreat the day before and they visited 5 different Churches and prayed and said the Rosary. Gabriel was required to answer "100 questions" about the Faith, which he managed to do. It was really meaningful.

Wed night we got to Church at 5pm and Father did Gabriel's First Confession. It went very well. When Gabriel got out he said he felt "so clean" and he was really excited.

Here is a pic of Gabe saying his first Penance:

Then Gabriel changed into his Tux for Mass. He looked awesome!

Here is Gabriel with Father:

Here are some of my girls with some of Cyndi and Bob's girls before Mass:

Here is Gabriel with his God Father Bob:

Here is Gabriel with his "God Brothers". They went with him on his retreat - it was so awesome!

Gabe and I:

Here are all of my kids before Mass except for Monkey3 - who got chicken pox and had to spend the night with her grandparents! She was really upset to miss his First Holy Communion, but she got to go fishing with Uncle Chuck, so it turned out to be a great night for her too. :)

After Mass, Gabriel's God Father hosted a party at his house for Gabe. This was Gabriel with his cake:

Here is Gabe with some of his friends at his party:

Here is Gabe playing Chess with his God Brother:

God Bless Gabriel! I am so proud of him!!!!

"Proud" Does Not Even Cover It!

2010-05-28T12:59:00.001-07:00

WARNING: This is a complete and total "Mama Brag". You are allowed to skip this post. ;)

My kids are doing so well! I'm just so proud of them that I could burst with Joy!

Friday was the Awards Ceremony and the last day of school at the children’s school and I just have to share with y'all how well they did!

Monkey1 was a SUPER STAR at the fifth grade Awards Ceremony / Graduation today. While most kids got 1 or 2 awards [half the kids got no awards at all], she got TEN awards, including some really prestigious ones. Every time she would sit down they would call her name again for another award.

Here are the Awards she got:

1. “Outstanding performance” in the Honor Chorus [this is already an elite group and she got an award for outstanding performance]
2. The award for “Musical Excellence” out of her whole class
3. The award for “Highest Average” in Social Studies in her whole class
4. The award for “Highest Average” in Reading for the whole class
5. The award for “Highest Average” in Language Arts for the whole class
6. The award for “Highest Average” in Science in the whole class
7. She got an award for being the “Junior Fire Chief” for her class and helping the school place number 1 in the county wide fire safety competition – it was a huge deal, half the fire department showed up to give her a medal and a certificate.
8. She was one of 4 kids in the whole 5th grade [97 students] who got “All A’s” for the entire year – not one B – and she got an award for that “High Honor Roll”
9. The one she is most excited about was the President’s Education Award for “Outstanding Academic Excellence”, which is a very prestigious award that came with a pin
10. The one she *should* have been most excited about was her award for Accelerated Reading. To give you an idea, they started giving out awards to the handful of kids out of the class who got 50-59 AR points for the year. Then they had a few that had 60-69 points, a couple had 70-79 and 80-89 and 90-99. Only four students had gotten 100 AR points and they got a special award [and a Tshirt]. Then, the final award that was given out was Monkey1’s. The principal gave it to her and made a speech about how amazing Monkey1 is. She set the all time AR record with 668.8 points in AR this year – breaking a record that stood for 12 years. She got a heavy engraved medal [a “real” medal] that had her award engraved on the back of it. The Principal also said that *Monkey1* had inspired them to start a new program for AR at their school. They had a plaque made with her name and her # of points engraved on it and every year they will add the highest scoring AR kid from each class for each year that follows – her name and her record will stand in the school for as long as the school stands. The Principal said they plan to use her achievement to challenge students for many years to come. This is a monumental achievement.

Monkey2 got two awards - they did not do extensive awards for 2^nd grade, and he is the only kid who got two – the other kids in his class all got one. He got an award for “Most Improved Reader” out of the entire second grade and for his class he got the award “Most Improved Boy” [in general I guess LOL!].

Monkey3 and Monkey4 did not get awards because they don’t do awards at that age level.

The kids also did outstanding on their report cards. Monkey1 got all A’s [of course]. Monkey2 got all A’s except for an 89 in Spelling. Monkey3 got all A’s except for Spelling. Apparently they take after me with the spelling… ;) Monkey4 is in pre-K and did not get a report card.

We also got their CRCT results – Monkey1 “exceeded expectations” in every single area and she maxed out reading – got the most points possible. I expected that. However, Monkey2 exceeded expectations in every single area as well – and HE *maxed out reading* as well – from a kid who could not read at all when he started this year to maxing out the test. His teacher broke down in tears – sobbing – when she showed me the results, she was SO proud of him. It is truly incredible. And his math score was through the roof as well [he only missed one question on math]. She said they will be testing him for Kaleidescope [Gifted Program] next year. And Monkey3, whose teacher wanted to *retain* her for first grade again in January [because of poor reading] ALSO Exceeded expectations in every area! There was no more talk of retaining her to repeat the grade - she’s on to second grade! [We are ALL late readers in our family – Monkey3 is doing the same thing Monkey1 and Monkey2 did – and that I did – in reading – we just read late, but once we do catch on, we are excellent at reading! LOL!]

But what is even more important than the academics: I was amazed that every single kid’s teacher and many teachers I did not even know, tracked me down on the last day of school to talk about what amazing kids my children are. How sweet they are, how kind, what good little *people* they are. Every single teacher claimed that my kid was their “favorite” in the class , and they were very sincere. The music teacher, who teaches all 4 of my school aged children, broke down sobbing about how wonderful all four of the kids are, how sweet they are, how well behaved, how much she enjoyed teaching them. That’s pretty incredible.

Almost every teacher also said something to the effect of "I know what you guys have been through this year, and it is just amazing how well your kids have done. You've done a great job with them!" Which was very encouraging to hear!

I don't know how the kids have thrived through all of the hell with their dad. Certainly we are much better off without him, and that helps. But they've had a lot of change and loss in this past year [lost their dad 'cause he left them and hardly has any contact now; they lost their neighbors and friends and homeschool group because we moved; and then they lost their Godmother, who was like their second mom.] It is a lot to lose.

I look around at it all and I think "Why aren't my children a bunch of psycho delinquents?" There is only one answer to that:

ONLY GOD could have brought us here, so happy and healthy! And I will Praise Him always! He truly IS so Kind and Merciful!

Also, a HUGE thanks goes out to so many of you that have prayed for us so hard for so long - God does hear and He does answer. Thank you so much. :)

The only sad note of the last day of school was that I emailed their father to let him know how well they did. I used to send him updates weekly, but he ignored them. Then I just sent updates when something really special or really bad happened; but he ignored those too. So, I gave up - he just frankly doesn't care and doesn't want to be bothered - that's plain. But this was SO huge, I thought *surely* he'd at least want to call the kids and say "Great job!" or *something*!

But no.... 2 days later and he never responded at all. How sad is that?

Kids this awesome sure deserve better. [ALL kids deserve better!]

But that's OK - they have lots of other people who love them, including their Father in Heaven who will NEVER get sick of them, will never forsake them, and will never, ever let them down.

************************************************************************************
Below are pictures of the kids on the Last Day of School:

Monkey1 with her very proud teacher!

Monkey2 with his wonderful teacher.

Monkey3 with her excellent teacher.

Monkey4 with her sweet teacher.

Monkey6 and Monkey5 playing on the school playground after the Awards Ceremony.

The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

2010-05-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

This is what Jesus is asking me to pray and take to heart these days:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen

Chana Masala [Indian Chick Peas]

2010-05-20T20:08:00.001-07:00

I'm sharing an *awesome* recipe for Chana Masala below. This recipe is based on a recipe given to me by my sister's friend Jason. [Thanks Jason!!! :) ]

I love Indian food [LOVE IT!] but often find it too difficult to make, requiring more esoteric ingredients and time than I really have.

However, THIS recipe satisfies my craving for Indian food while at the same time being manageable and using only ingredients that you actually CAN find in the average grocery store.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

One word of warning - if you make this "as is", it is VERY spicy. I love that, but if you don't want it very hot and spicy, I suggest only using 2 peppers and possibly leaving out the red pepper flakes entirely. As is, it has a beautiful heat if you love that sort of thing!

Chana Masala

2 Tbsp. olive oil

1 Tbsp. Cumin

large onion (diced)

2 Tbsp. grated ginger

3 cloves minced garlic

5 chopped cayenne peppers (or 4 jalapenos)

3-4 tomatoes (diced)

1 tsp. Tumeric

1 tsp. Coriander

1 Tbsp. Garam masala

1 tsp. salt

2 bay leaves

1 tsp. crushed red pepper

3/4 cup of plain yogurt

2 14-oz. cans of Garbanzo beans(chickpeas)

1-2 cups of boiled diced potatoes (optional)

sprigs of fresh cilantro (optional as garnish)

Heat oil in a deep pan, add cumin and toast briefly in the oil.

Add onion and saute until starting to brown.

Then add ginger, garlic, and peppers. Stir and simmer for one minute.

Then add tomatoes and stir until getting a consistent paste.

Add tumeric, coriander, crushed red pepper, garam masala, salt, and bay leaves, and yogurt.

Simmer for a few minutes and then add Garbanzo beans (and potatoes, if using).

Simmer for ten minutes and allow to thicken a few minutes after turning heat off.

Garnish with cilantro and serve with Basamati rice or flat bread.

Lase Med and Antonella Carpenter

2010-05-19T08:16:00.001-07:00

[Disclaimer: Before you read this page, you need to know that this is my personal opinion. I am not a doctor or a lawyer. I am not part of the "Medical Conspiracy". I do not profit IN ANY WAY from you reading this page or believing what I say. I speak only as a human being who lost someone very dear to me. I do not want any other person to suffer what my friend Cyndi, and her family, and all of us who loved her have suffered.]

All of my regular readers know that I lost my best friend Cyndi last week.

What people may not know is that her death was caused in great part by a woman who promised her a 100% cure of her cancer.

Cyndi was very interested in alternative cancer treatments, and she found Antonella Carpenter online and became a "patient" of Carpenter's at Lase Med. [I use quotes around patient, because Antonella Carpenter is NOT actually a medical doctor and has no medical training at all].

Dr. Carpenter treated Cyndi with her laser "pseudo science" and then pronounced Cyndi "cancer free" and told her she was completely cured.

It is important to note that BEFORE Cyndi went to Lase Med, her cancer was highly operable and probably completely curable.

AFTER she went to Lase Med, Cyndi lived for several months believing herself to be cancer free [based on Carpenter's word and absolute assurances]. Cyndi avoided any treatment or consultations with Oncologists or any other qualified medical personnel because she was following Carpenter's extremely explicit and vehement instructions not to have any contact with them at all.

When Cyndi's tumors began to grow alarmingly and spread [in one case breaking through the skin], she called Carpenter and asked her what to do. Carpenter first told her this was completely "normal", that it was the "dead" tumor trying to leave her body, and that it would be fine as long as she stayed away from regular doctors [who Carpenter told her would want to cut her up and radiate her and subject her to chemo just so they could profit].

When Cyndi kept getting worse, Carpenter got tired of her calls and became rude with her, finally hanging up on her in their last conversation.

It was at that point that Cyndi realized that Carpenter was NOT what she advertises herself to be. Cyndi then sought a consultation with a "real" Oncologist, who imaged her body and gave her very bad news - her highly curable, highly operable cancer had metastasized and spread throughout her body in the months since she'd been "treated" by Ms. Carpenter. The breast cancer tumors had grown into her chest wall and into her lungs. It was this cancer specifically that killed her - she lost lung function as the cancer continued to grow in her lungs and she finally died a very slow, painful death, drowning in her own fluids.

At the time Antonella Carpenter treated Cyndi originally, Carpenter claimed that she had a 100% cure rate for cancer - that ALL of her patients were cancer free after treatment. Later, when Cyndi asked her if what she [Cyndi] was going through following her treatment was normal, Carpenter admitted that most of her other patients had sought out "real" medical care by that stage so she did not know of any patients who had gotten to that point in their "recovery" [which is what Carpenter still maintained was happening].

This was in direct contradiction to what she had told my friend Cyndi when she originally treated her and pronounced her "cured" - it seems that most of her patients did, indeed, have to seek additional medical care because she was NOT curing them.

Regardless, Carpenter can NOT claim a 100% cure rate any more because I personally know Cyndi died and was NOT cured.

Some of you reading this will think my friend got what she deserved for trusting this scam artist. But that would be a cruel and unfair thing to believe - when someone is diagnosed with cancer, they WANT to believe someone can give them a 100% cure. Especially when that someone has 6 young children counting on them to survive. Carpenter is an excellent saleswoman - she knows enough science to make her scam seem believable. She knows just how to play on a cancer patient's worse fears. She knows EXACTLY how to profit from their terror.

I don't share the same opinion that many other people have - that being that Antonella Carpenter is intentionally profiting from the deaths of her patients. While that IS, in fact, what she is doing - I believe the problem is actually deeper than that.

I believe Antonella Carpenter truly *believes* what she tells her patients. I believe that she wants SO MUCH to actually BE the person who found The Cure for cancer, that she believes, in her own mind, that this is true. What I see and hear and read from Antonella Carpenter makes me believe that she is truly deluded - that she honestly does NOT understand that she is killing people instead of saving them.

This makes her more dangerous - because if she *believes* she is telling the truth, it is so much easier for her to convince others of it. She has such passion, such fire, and such charisma that it is easy to BELIEVE what she says - especially for a desperate cancer patient who WANTS it to be true more than anything.

If you read Antonella Carpenter's Lase Med Inc website, you will see some of what I'm talking about. She seems to exhibit classic paranoia - she says that there is a "medical conspiracy" out there that is killing cancer patients on purpose, but only after they "drain their insurance benefits dry" by putting the patients through months of horrible and painful chemo, radiation, and surgery. She also maintains that SHE, and she alone, has the "real cure" for cancer, but for some unknown reason "They" [being the medical conspiracy I guess?] are keeping her down.

I have worked in hospitals for 20 years. I can promise you, PROMISE YOU, that if this woman had a real cure for cancer the "medical establishment" would have bought her out and made her a very rich woman long ago - every pharmaceutical company, hospital, and health equipment manufacturing company in the world would be vying to get a contract with her. Nobody in their right mind would be "suppressing" a real cure because [ironically] there is HUGE money to be made there.

Medicine can certainly be used as a for profit venture [though most often it is the insurance companies that profit], but the bottom line is this: DEAD patients are NOT good for the bottom line. Dead people don't generate recurring income for doctors, hospitals, pharmaceutical companies, or anyone else out there in the "medical conspiracy".

So, what Antonella Carpenter is telling her patients is just not rational. But I do believe that SHE believes it is true. Which, again, makes her so much more believable and thus so much more dangerous.

If you are reading this blog entry because you are a cancer patient or because you have a loved one who is, please think things over very carefully. There are multiple lawsuits against Antonella Carpenter - for good reason.

Don't abandon hope, but don't put your hope in this woman. She will not cure you.

Below I am including more information on this from several sources:

A Youtube video by one of Cyndi's dearest friends, explaining in detail what Cyndi went through:

Here is another Youtube video by a man who lost one of his friends the same way we lost Cyndi at Carpenter's hands:

Here is a news report about Antonella Carpenter and Lase Med [from the "mainstream media"]:

http://www.newson6.com/Global/story.asp?S=12426238

Here is a website from another man who lost his wife after she was treated by Carpenter:

http://lasemedinc.net/

I also invite you to read Carpenter's own entry titled "Under Siege" on her own "official" Lase Med Inc web page. You can draw your own conclusions about why I might think she is paranoid and delusional.

I can assure you that I am not "persecuting" Antonella Carpenter "because she is a woman, she uses a comb, her hair is not white, and she dares to have long nails, not to mention that she dares to not dress like a slob." [-Taken from her own words on her website. .... Ahem.]

I don't care what her nails look like, I just don't want anyone else to die because of her.

I Wish

2010-05-13T06:13:00.000-07:00

I am sure that every person who has lost someone they loved has regrets - those moments when they think "I wish I had done....".

I'm having lots of those moments this week.

In a way I was fortunate that we knew ahead of time that Cyndi would probably die [though I would not wish death by cancer on ANYONE, certainly not my dear friend].

But, because we had "warning", I was able to say the things to her that I wanted to say to her - I was able to let her know how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. I was able to articulate things that I never would have said if she had been taken suddenly in a car wreck or something.

But at the same time, I truly did not believe in my heart that she would actually die until 4 days ago - when I spent Mother's Day with her. It was not until then, when she had deteriorated so badly so quickly, that I realized she was not going to beat the cancer.

I mean, logically I *knew* that the odds were very poor. I knew that evidence pointed to the fact that God was not going to send her a Miraculous Healing. But when you talked with Cyndi - she never conceded. She never believed she was going to die, right up to almost the very end. She fought like Hell and she never believed the cancer would beat her. And when I was with her, it was so easy to believe that she was right about that.

And, thus, even with "fair warning", there are so many things I wish I'd done....

1. I wish I had asked her if there were things she wanted me to do for her children through the years. Were there special things she would have wanted me to do for their Confirmations, their weddings, the births of her Grandchildren.... I wish I had asked. I plan to be tenaciously involved in her children's lives anyway [I love them like my own], but I wish I had thought to ask her what she would have wanted me to do for them.

2. I wish I had gotten to spend more time with her the last two years. We were so sick all the time for the last two years that we had to stay away a lot. [I lived in fear that we would expose her to some germ or other while she was immune compromised and that we'd cause her to die before it was really her time]. Because we were so sick and contagious all the time, I did not see her as much as I wish I had. [I did see her every time we were healthy enough and she was healthy enough....]

3. I wish I had left my lost cause of a rotten ex husband two years earlier than he abandoned us. Dealing with him and his problems consumed my life so completely [for 15 years actually....but even more so at the end], and he was just not worth it. I wish I had spent that time with my friend instead. Of course, I made vows promising to love him and care for him, and I fulfilled those vows *completely* and always to the absolute best of my ability. But I still feel it was wasted time, and it was time lost that I could have spent with my friend before she died, and I will never get it back. [Harboring some resentment towards my Ex for this now.... one more thing I have to find a way to overcome].

4. I wish I had taken more pictures of Cyndi. We were best friends for 11 years. When I went back to look at my photos, I found that I had literally many hundreds [probably *thousands*] of pictures of her children, but only about 2 dozen of her. And I have only 3 of she and I together. This is normal I guess - she and I were always the ones behind the cameras, taking the photos. But still - I wish I had more pictures of her.

5. I wish I had planned a "Lord of the Rings" movie marathon with her before she died. Those were our favorite movies, and I wish we'd gotten to watch them together before she was gone.

6. I wish she had lived to see "The Hobbit" released in film.

7. I wish I had learned to sew from her. She offered over and over and I never had time. [because of #3 above]. I always hoped there would be time later for her to teach me, and now that time has run out.

8. I wish I had asked her for that oatmeal muffin recipe she made that our kids loved so much. I always meant to and never did.

9. I wish I had told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me sooner than I did. It was just a few months before her death that I shared with her how much she meant to me. She was more like my Sister than a friend, and it wasn't till close to the end that I expressed that to her.

10. I wish I had told her more frequently through the years how much I admired her and how much her example meant to me and how much her Godly advice helped me.

These are my top 10 today. Tomorrow there will be more I'm sure. I imagine I will be saying "I wish" about Cyndi for the rest of my life.

Maybe we should all take a moment to think about the people who mean so much to us and maybe we should make sure we take the time to let them know - really, truly let them know. Because most of us probably do exactly what I did and lose so many precious opportunities with the people we love.

If you knew that someone you love was going to die tomorrow, are there things you would regret not saying or doing? Why not say or do those things today?

God bless you.

Good Bye My Dearest Friend

2010-05-11T11:08:00.002-07:00

After fighting cancer for almost 3 years, my best friend in the world, Cyndi, has gone home to Jesus.

Many of you have been praying for her and her family for a couple of years now, and I thank you so much for that. I know what your prayers meant to her - it gave her such comfort and strength to realize that so many people all over the world were praying for her.

I was going through my pictures today and gathering all the ones I had of Cyndi. I just had this need to see them and remember all of the great times we had [and the sad ones too that she helped me through so reliably]. I'm going to share some of my favorites of her here.

This is my favorite picture of Cyndi. She is holding her youngest child, my God daughter, and I love the way she looks in this photo:

This is Cyndi with her wonderful husband and her 6 amazing children [and I'm not just saying that - they really were as happy as they look in this picture]:

Cyndi was an amazing mother. She loved her children so much, and she sacrificed anything and everything for them - gladly and with good cheer.

Here is Cyndi with her 5th child [my God daughter]. Whenever I think of Cyndi, it is always in terms of her holding a child or helping a child:

Here is Cyndi on one of our many home school field trips. We went to a french bakery and got a tour [a very delicious tour]:

Here is Cyndi swimming with my Isabella [when she was a baby] and her Cynthia [also a baby!].
Here is Cyndi reading to some of her children and mine:

This is Cyndi helping me throw an awesome birthday party for my children:

Cyndi with Cynthia [my God daughter]:

Cyndi getting hugs from one of her sons:

Cyndi nursing one of her babies at the Renaissance Festival. She always gave her children the very best that she could give them:

Chilling at my house with her girls:

Cyndi with our kids at the Renaissance Festival [this was an annual tradition of ours, we went together every year]:

Cyndi laughing. One of the things I loved best about Cyndi was her sense of humor. She could always make people laugh and she never took life too seriously:

Cyndi and I being silly [that's powdered sugar from funnel cakes on our faces]:

Another thing I always loved about Cyndi was how amazingly talented and artistic she was. She often made cakes for people [along with sewing amazing things and doing many other creative things]. Below are two Star Wars cakes she made for a birthday party for my kids:

This one was amazingly detailed [It even had Darth Vader inside that Death Star]:

Cyndi with my daughter Samantha at a birthday party we had for Sam at Cyndi's house:

Cyndi was the Godmother of most of my children. She took her role very seriously and gave much thought and effort in to molding them into fine Catholic Children. She hand made Samantha's First Holy Communion Dress [it was beautiful]. She was amazing, and a Gift from God to my children and I.

Here is Cyndi with Angelica at Angelica's baptism:

Here are Cyndi and Bob with Samantha at Samantha's "re-baptism" [long story, but her first baptism as an infant wasn't valid because the Deacon did not touch her head with the water]:

Both of our families together with our Priest during happier days:

Cyndi praying for Gemma at Gemma's baptism:

Cyndi and Gemma at Gemma's Baptism:

Cyndi was always the one who was willing to go on the rides with the little kids when they were scared to go by themselves:

These two pictures are from Cyndi's pilgrimage to Lourdes [taken by my friend Vicki]:

God did not give Cyndi the Miracle healing that we all prayed for. I Trust His Wisdom, but I know that the whole world is diminished by the passing of this woman.

I will miss her more than I can express. She was always the one I called when I needed the "right" answer - she always answered with good Godly advice, even if that wasn't what I wanted to hear. She has been, in so many ways, my "Rock" through all of the hard [very hard!] times I have been through these last few years.

In 11 years of friendship, I never once heard Cyndi gossip about anyone. She was charitable and loving and without resentment or jealousy. She was extraordinary and she truly strove every day to live her faith in a heroic way. She was not perfect, but if ever a fault was sincerely pointed out to her, she earnestly sought to improve her character and overcome any weakness.

Cyndi was the kind of woman who would have taken you into her home when you were homeless, who would have split her last sandwich with you if you were hungry, who would have given you her own coat if you needed it.

Today the world is a sadder place. Today we have lost a woman who was Kind, Good, Creative, Loving, and Generous beyond measure. Someone who was full of Laughter and Love and Compassion. Someone who was genuinely devoted to God.

I cannot imagine the world without this woman.

I take great comfort in the knowledge that she is now in the Arms of Christ. I feel certain that He met her tonight with those amazing words "Well Done, Good And Faithful Servant".

That she was, indeed.

The 10 Plagues

2010-05-03T11:00:00.000-07:00

Much like the ancient Egyptians, I feel that our family has been stricken with Plagues. [tongue in cheek here, bear with me!]

My oldest child and I came up with this list of the 9 plagues we have thus far endured since we had to move to our slum house:

1. Roaches [I have never seen such an infestation as what existed here in this house two exterminators and several hundred dollars ago]

2. Kidney Stones [this one was my private plague]

3. Mice [another massive infestation that we still can't seem to stem, though my exterminator came back out again last week - he's here on a bi-weekly basis at this point and I spend more quality time with him than any other adult male. We'll be announcing our engagement soon. ;) ]

4. Mold [this wretched rental house is infected with mold - you can smell it when you turn on the air or after it rains. I highly suspect this mold has led directly to some of the other plagues listed below.]

5. Flu [we have suffered no less than THREE confirmed flu outbreaks within the family in the last 8 months - one swine flu outbreak [the mildest] and two different strains of "seasonal flu"].

6. Pneumonia [I have had pneumonia 3 times in the last 8 months, my son has had it twice]

7. Rotovirus / Norovirus [two completely separate outbreaks of a highly contagious seven day stomach virus complete with scary high fevers - which destroyed both our Christmas and our Easter]

8. Tumors [I had to have surgery for thyroid tumors, my baby had to have surgery for a tumor on her ear. Thankfully the plague of Tumors was composed of benign tumors only - Praise God!]

9. Slugs [the ninth plague is upon us - giant slugs infesting my children's bedroom. I have never seen slugs this large. I do not know where they are coming from or how they are getting in [or why they only seem to like that one bedroom]. But last night I trod on one in the middle of the night and it was insanely ICKY!]

So, now I am off to buy a lamb. I must slaughter that sucker and get my doorposts painted in lamb's blood before the Angel of Death gets here to take my Firstborn. [I'm not letting her go!!!].

And people wonder why I sometimes suspect that God hates me.... ;)

Quote of the Day:

2010-04-27T06:10:00.001-07:00

Again in the category of "Things I Never Thought I Would Hear".

My son comes running up to me with tears in his eyes, in obvious pain, and says "Mama! I kicked myself in the crotch!"

Indeed...???!

Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread Recipe

2010-04-22T06:26:00.001-07:00

Want something that has green stuff in it but tastes DIVINE and even my pickiest child loves? Try this Zucchini bread! I promise you that you will not be able to tell there is Zucchini [and applesauce!] in there at all - it tastes like rich chocolate cake!

Chocolate Chip Zucchini Bread Recipe

Ingredients:

2 cups grated zucchini [I chopped mine very small in my food processor]. It took 3 medium sized zucchini to get 2 cups for me.
3 eggs
1 cup applesauce
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup canola oil
3 teaspoons cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 1/4 cups flour
6 ounces chocolate chips [that's 1/2 a 12 oz bag]
1/2 cup cocoa

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350. Spray two loaf pans with cooking spray. [I used 4 smaller loaf pans]. Set aside.

Add zucchini, eggs, applesauce, sugar, and oil and mix well. Add the rest of the ingredients and mix just enough to incorporate everything.

Divide batter between the loaf pans.

Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes. Watch closely, because this can vary a lot depending on the size of your loaf pans.

Kelly's Black Bean Soup

2010-04-15T10:14:00.001-07:00

1 onion, diced
1 TBSP olive oil
1 15 oz can of black beans, drained and rinsed
2 cups of chicken broth [I use Swanson organic]
1 cup of your home made salsa [see recipe below] or store bought
juice of 1 lime
salt to taste
scallions, chopped finely

optional:

mexican shredded cheese or any cheese of your choice
sour cream

saute your onion in olive oil until translucent. Add black beans, chicken broth, and salsa and bring to a boil. Simmer for about 10 minutes. I usually take a potato masher at this point and carefully mash up my beans a bit in the pot to give it a creamy texture.

Add lime juice and salt to taste. Dish up and top with scallions.

At this point, you have a nice, healthful black bean soup. [omit the olive oil and it is basically fat free].

If you care to make it not-fat-free-but-awesomely-delicious - stir in some sour cream and top with shredded cheese.

This also makes an amazing bean dip for chips if you cut the chicken broth in half [only use one cup] and then mash it well after it simmers - totally yummy!

Home Made Tomato Salsa

2010-04-15T10:10:00.002-07:00

2 cans of diced tomatoes [or sub your more healthful home made stewed tomatoes in an equal amount if you have them!]
1 small can of tomato sauce [8 oz]
1 small can of green chilis
optional: 1 or 2 or more slices of pickled jalapeno [only if you like it hot]
large handful of cilantro
3 large scallions with the white parts
2-3 cloves garlic, minced or run through garlic press
1/2 tsp cumin
salt to taste

Throw all of this in a blender and puree till it is well mixed. Serve with anything and everything. :)

Mango Salsa

2010-04-15T10:05:00.001-07:00

2 ripe mangoes
1/2 small sweet onion [or you can sub 3 scallions w/ white part]
1 handful of fresh cilantro
2 limes
1-2 cloves garlic [depending on how much you love garlic!]
Salt to taste
red pepper [optional]

Cut up your mangoes and throw them in the food processor with the onion, cilantro, and juice of two limes. [If you don't do food processors, you can certainly chop this all finely by hand and mix it together].

Put your garlic clove[s] through a garlic press or mince finely by hand and add them to the mango mixture. Then add salt to taste and red pepper if you like it.

This is awesome served with tortilla chips, pita chips, served over baked or grilled chicken or fish... eaten from a spoon by itself... ;) I love this salsa!

Quote of the Day:

2010-03-08T17:21:00.000-08:00

My son just walked up to me and said:

"Look Mom, I want to show you something on the other side of Isabella's eye lid!"

[Isabella is the 6yo].

Now... there are just so many things that are wrong about that.... ROFL! [He wasn't kidding either - for some bizarre reason he had been pulling up her eyelid to investigate... ]

I am NEVER bored. Never.

Quote of the Day:

2010-02-25T13:48:00.000-08:00

In the category of things I never thought I'd actually hear someone say:

My son loves to hold the baby while he does his homework. A few minutes ago he looks up at her & says "So, you just put a booger in my mouth, huh?!"

I actually did a spit take w/ my juice... LOL! [Only funny because it wasn't MY mouth she stuck her boogie in! ;) ]

He handled it remarkably kindly - didn't even toss her out of his lap! ;)

Reflections on Tobit

2010-01-10T06:48:00.000-08:00

I love the Book of Tobit. It is one I read and re-read over the years.

If you also love this book, then skip my little summary here. If you haven't read this book, I'll provide a little synopsis:

Tobit is a good and kind man. He is married to Anna and he has one son, Tobiah. Tobit is a righteous man, who does what is right without fail and risks his life over and over to do good. Because of his unwavering goodness and faithfulness to God, he has lost everything but his wife and son - he was a prosperous man who has now had everything taken from him by evil leaders as punishment for his tenacity in the serving the Will of God. As the Book opens, Tobit is 62 years old, living in poverty with his wife and only child. He has been struck blind and has just had, basically, the most foul run of luck one can imagine.

The story is also Sarah's story. Sarah is the only daughter of one of Tobit's kinsmen. She is plagued by the demon Asmodeus. She has been married seven times and seven times Asmodeus has killed her husband on their wedding night [as the new husband first "approached her for intercourse"]. [How's THAT for giving a woman a complex? ;) ]

So, the Book of Tobit opens with "Tobit's Prayer for Death" and "Sarah's Prayer for Death" in Chapter 3 - both good, upstanding people who have had really horrible things happen and who are in despair, begging God to let them die.

Instead of letting them both Die, God sends the Archangel Raphael to help them. [How I love those Archangels! It is no accident that my son is named for one of them!]

Thus follows an excellent story - one in which Raphael comes in disguise to go with Tobiah [the son] to retrieve some money his father left with a relative some distance away. In the course of their adventures, Raphael procures Sarah to become Tobiah's wife [to the great advantage of both families]. Raphael helps Tobiah and Sarah expel the demon Asmodeus and Raphael pursues Asmodeus into the desert and "binds him hand and foot". Leaving Tobiah and Sarah to, presumably, enjoy a very nice wedding night [which they begin with a beautiful prayer to God]. Then Raphael leaves Tobiah with his new in-laws so they can celebrate a 14 day wedding feast while Raphael completes the journey to retrieve the money from Tobit's kinsman. Which he does successfully.

They all return home - Tobiah much wealthier and with a beautiful, beloved new wife. Upon their return, Raphael tells Tobiah how to cure his father's blindness, which Tobiah accomplishes.

Tobiah then offers Raphael half of everything he has gained as payment and in thanks for his help. Raphael refuses, and then reveals who he really is and why God sent him. He departs, instructing Tobiah to Praise God in Everything and to always give Glory to God. [which Tobiah takes to heart!]

The book of Tobit ends much later - Tobit has lived to the happy old age of 112, a wealthy and comfortable old age. He has lived many happy years, watching his son and Sarah live a wonderful life blessed with many children. The final chapter brings us to Tobit's death bed, peacefully surrounded by Tobiah and his seven sons....

It is a beautiful story. I find it a very hopeful story. A reassurance that even though we may face trials in life, trials that may seem never ending and insurmountable at times, God still has good things planned for us. God does not Foresake us, He does not forget us or abandon us.

At the very moment Tobit and Sarah were praying for death, God was sending Raphael to save them.

I look forward to seeing what God has in store for me and my children.

A few months back, I WAS praying for death. I would wake up and think "Maybe a truck will hit me today"... my life felt completely hopeless, I felt completely abandoned by God.

I could not, at that time, imagine that, even this soon afterwards, I would be happy. That my life would be relatively peaceful. That I would find great joy in being able to raise my children without the constant stress and darkness that came from living with my husband. That I would look forward to waking up every day with excitement and joy.

I do, at times, feel plagued by my own personal demon. I do wonder if I don't suffer from "Demonic Oppression" [not the same as "Possession" - Oppression is when you have a demon that basically just follows you around messing with your life - like Asmodeus killing off all of Sarah's husbands just because he could.]

But I feel hopeful that if that IS the case [or even if I'm just extraordinarily unlucky], God will deliver me from this. God has good things planned.

Maybe God will even send Raphael to look after me and my children. ;)

For now, my prayer for my children and I is that God would protect us and provide for us. I pray that God takes us under His wing and protects us from certain persons who seem bent upon our absolute destruction. That He would protect us from extreme poverty and that He would make a way for me to provide for my children.

And I pray that God will grant me a peaceful death, surrounded by my children and grandchildren, ready to go home to Him after a lifetime well lived in His Service. [That "well lived in His Service" part is up to me of course - I'm working on it!!!]

God Bless You!

The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done

2010-01-04T20:29:00.000-08:00

God is preparing me for something, and apparently it is going to be something *Really Hard*. Like in the movie "I Am Legend" - where the Hero spends the remaining years of his life fighting really scary monsters and tirelessly seeking the cure to save humanity all by himself, even when it seems completely hopeless... you know, God is getting me ready for something simple along those lines.

That's the only way my Boot Camp of a Life makes any sense at all. ;)

The bar has now been set at a completely new height for "The Hardest Thing I've Ever Done".

I used to think I had done some pretty hard things in my life. Bwahahaha!!

I had NO CLUE how easy those things would seem to me today.

I just came through the absolute worst 3 weeks of my entire life. It started 3 weeks ago with one child throwing up ...

I lived through the worst stomach flu I've ever had; which must have been a norovirus or something because it was 6 days per person and took 12 days to run through the whole family. I took care of 6 very sick kids, including a puking baby, while puking myself, all of us running high fevers and with bodies so achy and painful I thought I'd die....

Then, before the last kid was even completely done with the stomach flu, we were hit with the "Real" flu - Seasonal Flu - and within days 4 of my children and I were desperately ill.

For 7 days I ran a very high fever, I hurt so bad I could barely move - muscles on fire, joints screaming. I coughed until I pulled every muscle in my torso... and while doing this, I cared for 6 children.

I literally cannot remember the last time I got more than a half hour of sleep at a time, or the last time I slept without holding a feverish baby or a toddler.

Man. That really sucked.

Now I am mostly recovered. I'm a little concerned that my cough is turning into pneumonia & a double ear infection, but the high fevers and flu symptoms are subsiding. The two youngest girls are still a bit under the weather with it too, but they also seem to be on the upswing. [It was so bad that New Years Eve I really thought the baby might die - she was so feverish and non-responsive and her eyes were swollen and glazed over - I've never seen a kid look so sick - totally terrifying].

And now I have a new standard for the "Hardest Thing".

But you know what? It also instills in me a great sense of confidence. In much the same way that a difficult unmedicated labor and birth can empower a new mother to feel that she can do *anything* if she was able to get through that challenge, this last challenge has left me pretty confident that I CAN handle whatever crisis may loom in our future. Most things are going to seem like a cake walk after this.

I am becoming a Tough Old Bird in the Lord's Refinery - a Bird Tough enough and Fierce enough to raise 6 kids alone and do it really well.

So, you know, don't mind me. I'm just getting my shotgun loaded for the Zombie Invasion... cause ain't nothing gonna get through me to hurt my babies! ;)

[Oooh - and I simply MUST do a Shout Out to my lovely Uber Children. Stuck at home sick for 3 weeks, no school, Christmas and New Years completely canceled for us, no celebrating.... and you'd think they'd be absolute horrors, right? No way! They were AWESOME! I was so proud of them. Things could have been soooo much worse -but they were all so sweet and kind and helpful and well behaved. Just excellent. And my amazing Monkey1 was a TRUE saving Grace for the family this week because she was extremely helpful to me - helping to take care of me while I took care of the sick baby and toddler and 6yo and 8yo - and doing things like making Mac and Cheese for dinner all by herself when I was literally too delirious with fever to get up and do it myself! I am so truly blessed by these amazingly kids!]

God Bless You!

2010 HAS to be Better, Right?

2009-12-30T16:41:00.000-08:00

Just so that y'all know I haven't dropped off the face of the planet or died tragically in a nuclear accident... I'm here. Still breathing....snottily and wheezily.

So, last week we had what I guess ended up being Rotovirus - 6 days per person of the most horrible stomach bug ever, complete with high fevers and horrible muscle aches. Which we then spread to my entire family and ended up causing Christmas to be canceled. Which made my children even more depressed - they were already extremely upset that their dad refused to come see them at Christmas time. They were heartbroken, and this did NOT help.

Then, at the tail end of the Rotavirus hell [12 days from when the first of us got sick until the last of us were finally well], two of my children started up with fevers and horrible sounding hacking coughs. That was Christmas Day.

One of those children [the 6yo] was sick for 5 days and is fine now. One of those children [the 8yo] has continued to run fevers on and off for almost a week now and has developed a truly concerning cough. AND the two little girls - the 1yo and 2yo - got sick 3 days ago and have been sicker than any children I've ever seen.

So, we made a trip to the Ped today who verified that we have the Flu. [The girls did NOT appreciate the nose swab...] The "regular" flu, not the swine flu [which, of course, we already had in October]. The two little girls have both got horrid ear infections - the doc said the 1yo has the "worst ears" he's ever seen. And the 8yo has pneumonia. All 3 are on antibiotics now.

Two remaining children have not yet gotten the flu - I pray they won't. We'll see.

I have, of course, gotten the flu. And I'm trying to take care of 6 children with no sleep for 2 weeks straight and just trying to survive and ... just damn.

For those who are keeping up out of a morbid sense of curiosity - we have now had pneumonia [8yo and I] in Sept, Swine Flu in Oct and now Rotavirus last week and the "Seasonal" [or "regular"] flu this week, in addition to various other little colds and coughs in between. On top of everything else [which would be QUITE ENOUGH on its own without sickness].... I mean seriously.

I feel like looking up at God and asking "Really?!!!" [No offense God, but truly... are You trying to KILL me or what?!]

And I have my family here that wants to help, but then I have to live with the guilt of making THEM sick [we had to cancel Christmas, remember, because of me and my sick kids infecting everyone]. :( And, of course, the flu can be fatal to older adults, so wouldn't that just be the most horrible guilt trip in the world if I accidentally kill one of my beloved parents?

I also got news this week that is completely breaking my heart [it is not my news to share, forgive me], so if you wouldn't mind, just offer some serious heart felt prayers up for my "Special Intention" - I promise you it is the best cause to pray for that you can imagine.

A prayer or two for my fortitude, endurance, and sanity would also be quite welcome.

I can't wait to see the end of this year... Bye Bye 2009. Don't let the door hit you in your booty on the way out!!!

Wretched Year.

Contemplating Job

2009-11-24T05:33:00.000-08:00

I have done a great deal of reading in the Book of Job in the Old Testament. [For some odd reason ;) ].

I was reading it again this morning, and specifically contemplating Job's answer to the Lord in the last chapter:

Job 42
Job's Confession

1Then Job answered the LORD and said,
2"I know that You can do all things,
And that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.
3'Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?'
"Therefore I have declared that which I did not understand,
Things too wonderful for me, which I did not know."
4'Hear, now, and I will speak;
I will ask You, and You instruct me.'
5"I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear;
But now my eye sees You;
6Therefore I retract,
And I repent in dust and ashes."

[Notice how the words: "You suck God! How could you do this to me?!" are NOT part of his speech? LOL!]

Many people over the years have compared my life to Job [which is ridiculous really - Job endured trials far beyond my ability to endure - for example, if my children all died there would not be one shred of sanity left within me].

But I think people don't read to the end of the book.

The story of Job is actually a *Comedy* [in the classical sense], NOT a *Tragedy*.

Job perseveres. He loves the Lord no matter what befalls him. When he has lost everything and even his own wife is telling him to curse the Lord, he perseveres.

The book of Job ends with the above prayer and then with a final bit that tells of the many gifts the Lord bestows upon Job for his faithfulness - Job becomes twice as wealthy as he was, twice as prosperous, he is widely respected. He has seven sons and three daughters who are beautiful above any other women in the land. Job is, incidentally, one of the only men in the Bible who gives an inheritance to his daughters [and not just to his sons], and his daughters are some of the only daughters mentioned by name in the Bible: Jemimah, Keziah, and Keren-happuch.

The book of Job ends like this: "and he saw his children, his grandchildren, and even his great-grandchildren. Then Job died, old and full of years."

Wow.

The story of Job is not a sad story about some pathetic guy who loses everything - it is a story of hope and beauty, about a man of character and courageous Faith who remains steadfast and loving in the face of terrible adversity. A man who, in the end, comes face to face with his God and is blessed beyond measure.

The next time someone makes a tongue in cheek comment about my life being the life of Job, I will smile broadly and say "Thank you!!!".

Today I Praise God for all the good in my life, for the hope found in the Book of Job, and I look towards the next chapter in my own Comedy - with much Hope and Gratitude and Love for God.

Thoughts on Twilight??

2009-11-13T06:01:00.000-08:00

[spoiler warning: if you haven't read those stupid Twilight books and you plan to, there are spoilers below so skip this post].

Public school is going great for us now - it is actually a good experience most of the time these days, and I'm so happy about that.

I haven't seen near the negative pressure from the other kids at school that I was expecting - over all, the kids at my children's school are very nice children. [The one that was bullying and ridiculing my oldest so badly the first few weeks of school had the courtesy to move away. Wasn't that nice of him? LOL!]

We do have one issue that is coming up though: the Twilight books.

According to my oldest child, "Everyone" in her 5th grade class has read them and she's just devastated that she hasn't and doesn't know what they are talking about. [And she has the added handicap that she's my child - the idea that there is a book out there that she can't read is just beyond bearing. Books MUST be read! LOL!]

I have a HUGE issue with this one though.

I read all four of those books in about 4 weeks [which is about 2200 pages of book...ugh!]. Other issues aside, they are just poorly written - they stink. I feel that the author had some very good, fairly unique and interesting ideas, but her actual execution of the books is just miserable.

The first book in the series, "Twilight", is the best of the four I believe [and it was bad IMO], and they go dramatically down hill from there - culminating in book 4 which is one of the worst books I've ever suffered through - I hated it.

Poor writing aside though, I think these books are bad because of the characters involved.

The main character, teenage Bella, is pursued by a Vampire named "Edward" who is an obsessive stalker. Seriously, if he was human and not a "sexy Vampire", he'd be in jail. He is *insanely* possessive and controlling of Bella's life and a really, really sick model of a "romantic character". And teenage girls the world over LOVE this character now - he is THE model for what they are looking for in a man - which scares me half to death. I was once engaged to a guy much like Edward - only not a Vampire ;) - and it is NOT a romantic thing, it is a living hell.

Then there is the other main character, "Jacob", who is a Native American Werewolf who also loves Bella. In my opinion, she uses him badly [he is my favorite character in the books though, so maybe I'm biased] and breaks his heart over and over just so she won't be lonely while she waits for Edward. Then, in one of the most bizarre twists of any plot ever, he instantly falls madly in love with Bella's infant daughter in book 4 and waits for her to grow up so he can be her husband .... which was just stinking creepy IMO.

And let's just talk about book 4... because that's really where it gets too bad to read. The one good thing I can say about the series is that there is no pre-marital sex, however - TEENAGE Bella does marry Edward in book 4 and the first part of the book is a soft core porn romance about their honeymoon - no vivid details, but definitely enough steamy-ness to get every teenage girl on the planet going places she shouldn't in her mind.

Then, TEENAGE Bella becomes pregnant instantly, is extremely sick while pregnant [she DOES forbid an abortion of the baby, which was actually cool], and is dying in childbirth until Edward has to "turn" her into a blood sucking Vampire to "save her life". [Bella has been BEGGING him to turn her into a Monster for the whole 4 book series, she finally gets her wish].

Then the baby is some sort of bizarre human/Vampire half breed who has super powers and... gosh, it just gets more and more bizarre....

I just don't want my 11 year old reading these books....

What are other moms doing? [And I know some of you will disagree with me because, obviously, these books are EXTREMELY popular and well loved by millions].

I am not one to ban books, and I will be comfortable with her reading these later [hopefully after she's 16 or so ... even better, after she's 21 LOL!].

Comments? Opinions? ;)

Quote of the Day:

2009-11-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

"Happiness Is A Choice" - Randy Disher

I needed to hear this tonight. It is very true, isn't it?

What Happens In Heaven

2009-11-04T05:34:00.000-08:00

This is not a deep theological piece, but a very "dead on" piece that was emailed to me by a friend. I think we could ALL benefit from reading this. Hope you like it as much as I did:

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN

I dreamed that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, 'This is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are received.'

I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world.

Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section.

The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them." I noticed again how busy it was there. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth..

Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section, my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed." How is it that there is no work going on here?' I asked.

"So sad," the angel sighed. "After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments"

"How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked..

"Simple," the angel answered. Just say, "Thank you, Lord."

"What blessings should they acknowledge?" I asked.

"If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy."

"And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity."

"If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day. "

"If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... You are ahead of 700 million people in the world."

"If you can attend a church without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world."

"If your parents are still alive and still married ..you are very rare."

"If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair......."

Ok, what now? How can I start?

If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and if you care to, pass this along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

ATTN: Acknowledge Dept.
"Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people with whom to share it. "

All Hallow's Eve 2009

2009-11-01T10:55:00.000-08:00

We had such a fun Halloween!!! It was a very busy day - pretty exhausting but sooo much fun!

We started early. The Monkey Aunt came over in the morning and we went to the children's elementary school at 10am for their "Fall Festival". They had Jumpy Jumps there for the kids, a rock climbing wall, games and "fair" type food. The kids had a lot of fun.

Then we left and spent the afternoon taking the three older kids to their Basketball and Cheerleading orientations. I was very impressed with the program - they seemed very positive with the kids and very well organized. I think it will be a success and the kids are really excited!

After that, we came back to our house to prepare for Trick or Treating. I carved two pumpkins with the designs the kids drew up [really fun!]. The kids and the Monkey Aunt had decorated our house extensively on the outside of our house - it was soooo cool looking.

Both of my parents, Sister, and Brother all came over to "do" Halloween with us and it went so well.

We got the kids into their costumes. They all looked so cute.

Here is Monkey1 as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz:

Here is Monkey2 as "Commander Cody" from Star Wars: The Clone Wars:

Monkey3 as a "Kitty Cat":

Monkey4 as a "Sorceress" [which, as far as I can tell, means "Witch in a fancy dress" LOL!]:

Monkey5 as a Lion:

And here is Monkey6 with me. Monkey6 was going to be a kitten, but I lost her little hat with her cat ears, so we decided she was a "Scottish Fold" kitten [a type of cat where the ears fold in toward the cat's head and you can't really see them LOL!]:

We did end up really missing our old neighborhood when we started Trick or Treating. In our old neighborhood, it was a really fun community event - at least half the homes gave out candy and we used to go through the neighborhood in a big group with several families from our cul-de-sac.

Not so much in our new neighborhood. I almost wonder if it is because of some big push from some of the Fundamentalist Churches around here, but most homes did not give out candy - I'd say one house in 10 or 15 maybe. Which meant we walked a LONG way and the kids had almost no candy. Finally my Sister and Brother decided to load the kids up in the car and drive them around [we live in a HUGE subdivision] so that they could trick or treat more homes than we could walk to since they were so few and far between.

The kids ended up having a great time and so did the Grandparents, Aunt, and Uncle and I. We had a TON of Trick or Treaters at our house [hundreds - I've never seen so many!]. I had bought $50 worth of candy and ended up running to Walmart about 7:30 to buy more because we had run out!

All in all, it was a very fun day. It ended with several of the children having their obligatory "I ate too much sugar and food dye and I am exhausted" melt downs around 8:30 when they got home, but by 9:15 everyone was in bed asleep - so that's a good night in my opinion! LOL!

Hope you had a Happy All Hallow's Eve yourself!

I Lived To Be 40!!!!

2009-10-07T07:14:00.000-07:00

Today is my 40th birthday!

I never thought I'd live this long. [Weird, huh?]. I have two beloved cousins who died in their 30s of cancer, I've had so many near death pregnancies, I've had other near death experiences [including cancer myself when I was only 24 years old] - I just never thought I'd live to see 40. In fact, for the past few months, I've been living life feeling like a "marked man" LOL!

To wake up today alive and well and 40 years old is so cool!

In reflecting back on my life, I am very happy. This isn't where I expected to be on my 40th birthday, but I feel a deep sense of contentment and happiness none-the-less.

My kids have been absolutely adorable about it today - I woke up with a beautiful hand made card on my pillow and I've already heard countless renditions of the "Happy Birthday" song [including the one where I smell like a Monkey LOL!].

I woke up to a clean house too - my wonderful SIL came yesterday and helped me clean house all day. It was very nice. I LOVE a spotless house, but with 6 kids it is an endless battle with the Chaos Monster.

We are having two of my favorite young ladies over today to do a spend the night party for my oldest daughter - her birthday party got postponed a couple of times for health reasons, and it just worked out that today would be a good day to reschedule, so we did!

Today I am looking around at my life and feeling very happy - today I am celebrating a happy, simple life, one filled with people who love me.

Praise God for so many Blessings!